


Of how and why

by checkpointred



Category: TWICE (Band)
Genre: Angst, Cheating, Eventual Smut, F/F, Other Additional Tags to Be Added, POV Multiple, side ships aren't mentioned much
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-11-25
Updated: 2020-08-30
Packaged: 2021-02-25 22:55:10
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 4
Words: 42,503
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21563335
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/checkpointred/pseuds/checkpointred
Summary: Im Nayeon is not here to date…(But Kim Dahyun is making it so damn hard.)
Relationships: Chou Tzuyu/Park Jisoo | Jihyo, Hirai Momo/Son Chaeyoung, Im Nayeon/Kim Dahyun, Kim Dahyun/Minatozaki Sana, Myoui Mina/Yoo Jeongyeon
Comments: 36
Kudos: 136





	1. Trick

_Three._

Silver hair tied up in a high ponytail with wavy locks at the ends teasing to be seen.

_Two._

Forehead creased, pen spinning in between nimble but delicate fingers.

_One._

Pointed nose, gorgeous side profile. Her monolid eyes, those brown orbs – soft but attentive.

Nayeon returns her gaze at the stack of papers in front of her. Three seconds is all she lets herself have for the day. It’s called the _Don’t get yourself a restraining order_ rule. As much as it’s heavenly, she also doesn’t want to go to prison at the unfledged age of 25. God forbid her friends Jeongyeon and Jihyo would tease her to no end if they knew who she’s been pining over – if she can even call it _that._

She’s been doing this for the past year and a half – hoping everyday she won’t get caught or maybe deep inside she hoped the girl would finally notice and out of her own goodwill, join her in a staring contest and finally abolish all these unwanted feelings. 

Im Nayeon is not here to date.

She had tried so hard to get in her own father’s production company. Striving her way to the top without anyone knowing who she was, which family she came from. The Im from her name is one of her mother’s not her dad. She’s an illegitimate child born out of a thirsty man bedding every woman the world could offer. She hates him and the fact that she hasn’t seen him for years and the last thing he told her was to just take his money and get out of his sight.

That’s exactly what she did and now she’s back to bite. The temptation should have been flushed months ago when she asked the resources to have their cubes on opposite sides but the gods – if they do exist, hasn’t seem to stop playing tricks on her when it turns out they were to be separated by glass walls. After that fiasco everything seems to be a spiraling mess, staring at the pale girl became a habit but she lets herself go, just this once. If she can have one speck of happiness, she’s hoping that the world would let her have this one. 

Three knocks break her unwanted revelation of memories. Her eyes scanning the opposite desk – now empty, which was previously occupied by a pale girl and said ( ~~pale~~ pretty) girl is now staring at her with doe eyes mouthing something she wasn’t able to comprehend because she was too focused on the vacated seat. An inanimate object, Nayeon thinks she’s really losing it. 

“Sorry. Could you repeat that?”

The pale girl chuckles. She loves hearing it. She meant hate. That’s what it was.

“I’m going out to get coffee. You look tired, want me to get you some?”

Nayeon huffed. “I know I look old, no need to rub it in. You also don’t need to get me coffee. I can manage my stress on my own, thank you.”

She hears footsteps approach, no matter how light they are. Shadow looming over her desk. She feels the pale girl scan the list pinned on her wall. She gulps for no reason.

“You’re just a few years older than me. I don’t think getting coffee will quicken that process. The year-end activities can wait. How about instead of me getting you coffee, let’s just go together? Hm?”

Nayeon looks at her innocent smile – it’s dazzling. She knew instantly that it was over. Well, there was really no competition, she was bound to lose ever since the beginning.

“Okay”

“Okay? As in you’ll go?”

“Okay as in, if I don’t get the employee of the month it’s on you and your months’ worth of salary”

The pale girl laughed as a reply, turned around and whisked away. Nayeon didn’t think laughter could be pretty, she didn’t even think it’s worth to describe them because it’s so mundane. It doesn’t make sense so why does she love to hear this particular sound?

She squashed the thoughts immediately and started to recite her mantra again.

_Im Nayeon is not here to date._

_Im Nayeon is not here to date._

_Im Nayeon is not here to date…_

(But Kim Dahyun is making it so damn hard.)

———————————-

Charmander gloves surprised Nayeon, her eyes following Dahyun’s outstretched arms finally landing on her eyes.

“Take it. Your hands seem cold”

“This looks outrageous. Why do you even have this?” Nayeon argues but takes the gloves either way, trying to fit her hands inside.

“I’m surprised it fits you” Dahyun examines the gloves on her hands. Poking the ends, trying to see if Nayeon’s fingers made it that far.

She moves her hand away. “It looks hideous, but it fits perfectly. Thanks”

She flashes Dahyun a smile and the younger just nods and continues to walk. Nayeon walks a little slower, enjoying watching the younger do her little skips and watch her take everything in as if it’s the first time they went out.

They reach the café, a vintage one, hidden in the tall buildings of Seoul - their café. Where they first met. When Dahyun was just an intern and Nayeon was already making a name for herself in the company.

It was supposed to be Dahyun’s final interview but she accidentally bumped into Nayeon, spilling coffee all over an expensive cardigan, profusely apologizing, asking to pay for the dry cleaning and treating her to another drink. Dahyun only realizing that she missed her interview half an hour later, suddenly erupting to tears. Nayeon asks her what’s wrong, only for both of them to find out that they both missed each other’s appointment. Dahyun the interviewee and Nayeon, the interviewer for the same company.

Needless to say, it was the first time in the history of SJY Company to hold an interview in a café.

“Good day! We’re glad your back!” The cashier going by the name of Yuna cheers behind the counter.

“Go find a seat, I’ll order” Dahyun shoos Nayeon and the latter did as she was told.

She finds vacant seats in the corner, takes off her charmander gloves and puts them on top of the table. She sees Dahyun holding the tray and she quickly scurries off to take the tray away from her.

They settle down in silence. Taking everything in. Nayeon loves a busy day, non-stop chatters, it’s what she does, what she’s used to. However, Dahyun gives her calm. Everyone seems to trust Nayeon, seems to know that she’ll make everything work somehow and her winning streak at every contract deal cements that notion. But Dahyun’s different, she doesn’t treat her like she holds all the answers in the world, like she’s allowed to make a mistake and it gives her room to breathe.

“How are the kids?” Nayeon starts the conversation as she adds a bit of sugar in the younger’s drink. Nothing’s ever too sweet for Dahyun.

“They’re fine. The schedule’s driving them crazy but they’ll pull through. I feel bad for them but everything’s going to be worth it once they see the crowd.”

“It really suits you Dahyun. You’re good at managing people. Making them feel like they’re worth something” Nayeon really meant that. Dahyun changed this money hungry industry to something more and she’s thinking this is the reason why they made it so far.

“Hm. With Idols maybe but” She stops abruptly and looks at Nayeon, leans in a little further, arms crossed. Of course, Nayeon’s heart betrays her as it started to beat erratically.

The younger stares at her with doe eyes and starts speaking with that tone Nayeon knows so well. “I’ve known you for so long but I still don’t know what you’re thinking. I mean nobody ever really knows but it would feel good to at least know something about you. Sometimes I wish I could infiltrate your brain using a mind reading machine just to know if you’re doing good up there”

“Should I find that comforting? Because that’s just weird” Then they both laughed getting the attention of the other customers.

Dahyun draws back. Sighing slightly with tears from laughing then she speaks again.

“I’m just saying. I’m listening Nayeon. When you told me I was doing well I wish I could say the same to you. I’m saying this in the most non-offensive way possible, but you’ve been looking really tired lately”

“Thanks for downplaying that when I know you just want to say I look like a total disaster” Nayeon rolls her eyes and Dahyun starts whining rejecting the accusation.

“Dahyun, you don’t want to know what I’m thinking” And maybe this is my moment of truth, Nayeon thinks.

But she cowards at the last second. “It’s all about work, I have tons of work to do. But I’m okay. I’m good.”

“If there is one thing,” she continues. “I’m glad I took up your offer for coffee”

“Do you know what’s better than coffee?” Dahyun quips with a sudden mischievous look in her eyes.

“What?” Nayeon answered reluctantly. She should have known better that Dahyun won’t just ask her for coffee.

“The team’s dinner out! On the 18th! You promised you’d go last quarter”

Nayeon feigns innocence and thinks of every possible way she could get out of this. “I never said that. I’m simply not made for parties Dahyun. I’m more of a leave her on your own and she’d be fine type of girl.”

Dahyun’s never one to easily step back down like that. “No one’s born like that Nayeon and I never thought you’re the type to go back on your words”

“Hey! I’m not! Besides, I have my usual day out with Jeongyeon and Jihyo, I can’t just bail them, you know that” She looks at Dahyun and felt a little Triumph when she saw her falter.

“You always have that date every week! Just move it to an earlier time or day!”

Then Dahyun had the audacity to smirk at her. _This is not good, definitely not good._

“Besides, I’ve already talked to them and might have gotten their permission regarding your usual date. They said it’s fine.”

Dahyun rendered Nayeon speechless once again. _When did they become friends?!_ That didn’t sit well Nayeon and it’s as if Dahyun read her mind, she starts explaining.

“Jeongyeon dropped by last week, you were out, so I took the chance and asked her. I didn’t get her number or whatever, just simply asked. I know you wouldn’t like that”

Nayeon can’t help but smile at that, the earlier discussion forgotten. Dahyun knows her well and it gives her comfort that the younger cares about her. _Maybe it wouldn’t be so bad._

She was about to agree when she saw Dahyun staring through her. She looks at the same direction and felt her heart warm up. She hopes her cheeks didn’t as much.

It was the first snow fall.

Specifically, her first snow fall with Dahyun. Nayeon was never the romantic type, at least that’s what she knows. But this can’t be God giving her the signs, right? And if it was, was she brave enough to take this leap? Maybe she wasn’t or maybe she just needs to calm down for a second and stop being useless so can do something for once.

She turns back around and looks at Dahyun much earnestly this time. To her surprise Dahyun stares back. If her cheeks didn’t heat up earlier then it would most definitely be turning to all shades of red right now.

Before the courage even settles down, Dahyun stands up and grabs her phone.

“Nayeon, I’m sorry I have to go. You can go back on your own right?”

Nayeon’s heart plummets at that moment but then Dahyun’s question broke the fall. They have been through this route countless of times, even before Dahyun came into the picture so of course she knows.

Instead of answering and keeping the younger any longer, she silently nods and gives her a smile. Dahyun nods back and makes way to the door. She has pulled one door before stopping to look back at her.

“The team wants you to be there, I think it would be good if you saw how much they actually like you. But- “

“You don’t have to go if you really don’t want to.”

Dahyun smiles and finally heads out. Nayeon knows she’s telling the truth. She would never put Nayeon in an uncomfortable position. Always thinks of others before herself and she hopes it would never backfire on her. She’s too good, too pure. How much of it is real?

Nayeon looks through the window as her eyes follow the younger. Silently wishing that she would turn back around however she never does, rushes instead to go inside the cab.

She watches the car speed off and wonders how many more times she has to see her walk away before she finally reaches out.

She has definitely lost it; the second time of the day and it was just around noon. She sighs then finally heads back herself.

———————————-

The blaring music from the speakers greeted Nayeon as she walked inside the bar. This was her scene up until a few years ago, up until she worked her way through the top and partly because she met Dahyun, well okay, mostly because she met Dahyun. Suddenly none of this feels as enticing anymore. The only reason she goes here is because of her friends, so that she could meet people in which case she never did.

She sees her friends waving across the bar, in a secluded space, spacious enough to fit a C-shaped sofa for four people.

“Why do you look so awful?” Jeongyeon starts as she hands over the menu.

Nayeon pushes it back.

“If you think you’re the first to say that to me this past week then you’re wrong. I know I do and I won’t drink.”

“Why so uptight Nayeon? And why are you turning down a drink? You look like you could really use one right now” Jihyo laughs and nudges her friend’s shoulder.

“I’ve been so busy. They keep breathing down my neck. As if I need a reminder every minute when I have it on a fucking scroll pinned on my wall.” She pinches her nose. _Whose habit is this?_

“And I can’t drink if I want to stay alive later for the team dinner in which Jeongyeon graciously accepted on my behalf” She throws a glare at the aforementioned who was smiling from ear to ear and Nayeon lets out a whine when Jeongyeon scoots over to throw an arm around her.

“Come on Nayeon! It’s just dinner and how could I say no to your manager? There’s something up with that kid. I just found myself nodding. If it was anyone’s fault, it was hers”

“Don’t talk about her like that” Nayeon removes Jeongyeon’s arms around her.

“You never told us you were actually friends?”

“What gave you that impression?”

“She looks like she really cares about you”

The waiter arrives to serve food and drinks which gave Nayeon ample time to think about her answer.

“Honestly, I just forgot. I was busy and it’s nothing important” She takes a chip out of the plate when Jihyo swats her hand.

“Thought you didn’t want to order anything?” that resulted in them fighting over the chip and Jihyo eventually winning and shoving the chip in her own mouth.

“You’re both so annoying! Remember that I’m older than both of you!” Nayeon huffs but laughs with them when they did.

After the second round of drinks arrived, Nayeon noticed that Jeongyeon was fidgeting.

“What is it? Just spit it out”

“We actually have something to tell you that’s why this couldn’t wait til next week”

They spared a glance at each other and on cue they both showed their ring fingers equipped with a ring band.

“We’re getting married!”

“What? Mina and Tzuyu did what? Did you guys propose? Where was I when all this happened!” Nayeon stands up and both Jihyo and Jeongyeon tried to – but eventually failed to make her sit down so they just let her. Nayeon has always have had her dramatic streak.

“Well. I know this sounds like it came straight out of a young adult novel, but we dared each other to make the first move. We did it at the same day, different venues of course. I asked Tzuyu to marry me while Jeongyeon here” Jihyo looks at Jeongyeon then starts teasing her and pinching her arms.

Nayeon finally sits down then looks at her expectantly.

“I got proposed to by Mina. It was honestly a shock, I had the ring ready and everything and suddenly she was down on one knee. Turns out she was waiting for months trying to figure out a perfect timing.”

“And we were planning to tell you. That was a few weeks ago, it’s just. We know you’re busy and we don’t know how well you’d take it. I mean, both of us, getting married at the same year and you’d be alone to fend for yourself”

Nayeon sighed. “It’s a miracle those two even agreed to marrying both of you. Of course, I’m happy and don’t think for a second that just because you guys are getting married that I’d stop dropping by at 2AM in the morning to drag you out for a drink, regardless of what you guys are _doing_ , we are going, butt naked or not.”

“That sounds awful but let’s say cheers to that. To butt naked drink escapades with Nayeon who’s also getting married—” Jeongyeon lifts her glass to make a toast.

She sees the confused expression on Nayeon’s face then she continues,

“To her job”

Jihyo snickers and joins in “To Nayeon’s single life and cockblocking our lives forever just because she can’t get any”

“Fuck both of you, I’m not saying cheers to that”

“Did we invite you? You don’t even have a drink”

Nayeon smiles wide at her two closest friends. She’s genuinely happy that they are getting married. She slightly feels guilty that they felt the need to look out for her feelings, her friends deserve every kind of happiness there is. The girls they are marrying, Mina and Tzuyu are nice people, her friends deserved them. The three of them weren’t dealt with good cards when they were born but she’s beyond happy that life’s treating them well now. At least for her two friends.

Jeongyeon starts fiddling with her glass. “So we were thinking..”

“That’s never a good sign”

Jeongyeon leans forward. “How about you try meeting someone? Just date! I can set you up with really good people if you like?”

“I’m not interested.”

“That was too quick. Maybe you like someone?”

“No, I’m just too busy.”

“Last time you got laid?”

“Uhm. TMI much? I’m okay. Why does everyone worry about me? I’m just 25. I’m busy!”

“That’s because you’re not. You’re cooped up in your office all day without getting any sunlight –”

“My office literally has glass windows where light comes through and I get my adequate amount of--”

Jeongyeon shushes her.

“The point is, there’s lots of other things you can do to spend your energy. Look”

Jeongyeon points at the dance floor. Nayeon looks to where they are pointing and even if she doesn’t want to admit, it was a sight.

“Just pick one, any one. Who knows? You might find what you’re looking for.”

“But I’m not looking for anything”

“Exactly.” Jihyo smiles at her which gave Nayeon no choice but to just scan the floor and let herself be the entertainment tonight for her friends.

This was the dance floor of business elites and precisely the reason why they chose this bar as their hangout - to expand their connections. However lately, they succumbed to their peaceful space in the corner of the bar considering both of her friends have their respective girlfriends.

She felt Jihyo and Jeongyeon’s eyes bore into her and felt pressure to at least give them something, a face or a name more likely. Honestly, she could pick anyone blindfolded and she knows she’ll still hit the jackpot. She glances at her watch and thinks that maybe she does have enough time. Maybe her friends are right, maybe she just needs to let some of the pent-up frustration steam off.

A pink haired girl caught her attention. She was dancing in between two girls, if she got any closer to inspect, she’s sure that something was happening besides dancing. They turn around to face Nayeon, the pink haired girl staring right at her giving her a momentary shock. The pink haired girl started kissing the woman infront of her while staring directly at Nayeon, as if inviting her over. As if two wasn’t enough.

She clenches her fist.

Two finger snapping brought her out of her trance.

“Okay hustler, maybe that’s not what we meant. We said experiment and not to actually get infected” Jeongyeon closes the curtains inside the confined room to block their view from the dance floor.

“Not her Nayeon, you know how she is.” She’s seen that girl every time they were here and each time, with a different woman. It doesn’t take a genius to figure out that she was bad news.

“I know. I think she just reminded me of someone” Nayeon shrugs as she reaches for another chip.

“Who?” They said in unison.

Her phone rings at the exact moment, Nayeon has never felt so grateful for a phone call. She grabs her phone, sees an unknown number but answers it anyway and waits for the caller to speak before she does.

“Hi Miss Im. Uh. This is. I’m sorry I called. I’m- “

“What? Just say it.” She tried to mask the annoyance in her voice. Was she really that scary to her juniors?

“Uh yes. It’s Jooho from Division 4. We think Dahyun, I mean Miss Kim has a bit too much to drink. The other manager from Division 3 wants to drive her home but I think it’s better if she goes home herself or have someone and then maybe—”

“Don’t let her go anywhere or I’ll have it on your employee record. I’ll be right over” Nayeon cuts him off and swiftly takes her bag from the couch.

“Where are you going?” Nayeon mentally gives herself a slap. She almost forgot that she was with her friends.

“I need to go. It’s Dahyun, she needs me. Let’s meet up again sometime. Congratulations on getting engaged. I’m really happy. Don’t think about me that much, although you can’t seem to help yourselves”

Jihyo gave her a hug while Jeongyeon offered to walk her way out to her car.

“Thank you for the blessing Nayeon. It means a lot. And about the dating thing, you know that it’s just for laughs. We’re happy with whatever makes you happy. Just be careful.”

Nayeon stops at that and hates herself for it. “I will”

She pulls her door open and gets inside the car, sliding the windows down to wave her friend off. She steps on the pedal as she hears Jeongyeon screaming out in an echoed distance to bring Dahyun sometime.

The idea scares her.

_I wonder if that would do more good than bad._

———————————-

She arrives at the address and to her surprise finds a sober Dahyun doing exaggerated hand signs to motion her inside. She does, leaving her coat in the rack.

It was a traditional barbeque place where you have to sit at the floor while roasting meat. The scent of pork and beef filled her senses and lessened the annoyance she felt when she realized she was tricked again.

She sits beside the subject of her distress half an hour ago. She wonders how many traffic violations she incurred in one night just to get here.

“What the heck was that Dahyun?” It sounded softer than she imagined. Does she like being tricked?

“Lighten up Nayeon. It was just a white lie! I thought you wouldn’t come!” Dahyun put an arm around her shoulders then took a piece of bulgogi and put it inside her mouth, not before blowing it first to cool.

Nayeon opens her mouth. _This is cheating._

But her heart melts at the gesture anyway, her stress dissipates, and she finds that it’s okay.

She feels eyes on her, looks right away at the person in front of her, squirming in his seat.

“You must be Jooho. How does it feel to trick me?”

She sees him turning pale. The table turns silent.

“I’m sorry Miss Im, I shouldn’t have. I—”

“Leave” Nayeon says stoically.

“Huh? Miss I --”

“Did I stutter? Leave. Get out.” Jooho reaches out for his things, shaking. Then he hears Nayeon laugh.

“Oh my god. You should have seen the look on your face! Why are you standing up? Get back here” Nayeon can’t stop laughing. He really was so scared of her. The tension in the room leaves right away.

“God you’re annoying. You scared him!” Dahyun tries to keep her cool but laughs anyway. She hands Jooho another bulgogi. A reminder that Dahyun is kind to everyone, she’s not special.

Nayeon adds another.

“I’m kidding Jooho.” She turns to face the rest of the team.

“I know I barely join these things but you can treat me like any other employee. Let’s have fun today!”

“So we can call you Nayeon?” another employee she doesn’t remember the name asks.

“At your own risk” Then she winks at him, the whole table laughs again.

She looks at her left side to see Dahyun smiling at her. She feels elated, like she did something good.

The rest of the night goes according to plan. She knows the names of her team members now, hopefully she’ll remember them by tomorrow. She smiles to herself, _this wasn’t so bad._

Dahyun gets back to the comfort room looking a little bit tipsy. Her cheeks were getting red. She’s not sure if Dahyun is a lightweight or it’s because she can’t keep saying no to her juniors pouring her a drink. It takes everything in her not to ask her if she can drink for her instead.

Another junior hands her a drink which she swiftly douses in. She sneaks glances at Dahyun since she’s too intoxicated to notice. This violates her 3 second rule but she thinks this event is an exception.

It seems Dahyun really likes to drink. She hasn’t denied a single drink for this whole night. Nayeon lost count. She doesn’t drink much herself, setting her limit to 2 shot glasses. Just in case.

The team dinner comes to an end, people bowing their way out one by one. A few people remained, Dahyun and herself included. The younger doesn’t seem too keen on going home but she gets her bag anyway.

Nayeon silently watches her. She doesn’t know if Dahyun even notices her presence anymore, the trick from earlier starting to come true. They both walk their way out and Nayeon stops at the restaurant’s entrance, waiting for Dahyun to get a cab or just do anything. But the younger just stands there at the sidewalk.

Her heart stops for the nth time today when Dahyun looks back and asks her with a serious expression.

“Did you have fun?”

“Yes, I did.” Then tries to smile at her. Feels like she lost all words by this sudden move.

“I’m glad Nayeon” Dahyun turns her back to her again.

Nayeon silently curses her past herself for vehemently asking the younger to drop honorifics because now she can’t stop hearing how good her name sounds when it rolls of the younger’s tongue.

Maybe it’s the reason she walks up to Dahyun and does what she shouldn’t. She stops midway but continues anyway.

“I’ll take you home”

Dahyun looks at her but doesn’t look like she is. Like her mind was elsewhere.

“Where’s your car?” This was her _just in case._

She directed them to where her red Porsche 911 Carrera 4S was. She was about to open the door for Dahyun but decided against it, her sense taking over. She doesn’t want to be too much and when you’re Im Nayeon, it’s hard not to be.

She gets inside the car then buckles her seatbelt and finally breaks the silence.

“Okay. So where to?”

She was met with nothing but the sound of her car engine. She looks over to see Dahyun fast asleep in the passenger seat. Her grip around the wheel tightens. She runs a hand through her hair and slams her head slightly on the wheel.

_What am I supposed to do?_

She thinks of a hundred ways this could go wrong then reaches over to buckle Dahyun. Careful not to wake her up and tries hard not to push the stray hair on the younger’s face.

_This doesn’t have to go wrong._

They drive home. Nayeon’s home.

———————————-

The climb up to her apartment should have been a breeze but since Nayeon has missed too many exercise appointments in the past decade, she found herself heaving by the time they reach her doorstep.

She holds Dahyun by the waist while the younger’s arm was placed around her neck for balance. Nayeon reaches out for her keys inside her coat pocket, stumbling to get it inside. The latch finally opens and Nayeon drops Dahyun softly on the sofa.

She tries to catch her breath as she prepares water and aspirin for Dahyun. She places them on the table infront of the sofa then proceeds to take off the younger’s coat. Something falls off from its pocket, a set of keys and her handphone. The phone lights up, she looks at the screen briefly then places it next to the aspirin.

She finally settles down and sits down facing Dahyun. A table separating them, she thinks of it as her limit, a line she shouldn’t cross. She stares at the younger’s face for a few more seconds then stands up to take a quick shower.

She finishes exactly 15 minutes later, an all-time record for Nayeon, her hair wrapped up in a towel, wearing a plain white shirt and shorts. Once she got back however, she finds Dahyun rubbing sleep off her eyes.

She tries to hide her disappointment.

The younger looks up and speaks up with a hoarse voice.

“Nayeon I’m sorry, I shouldn’t have intruded. I should go home”

“You didn’t. Are you even in the right state to go home? I don’t know if you’ve noticed but you’re drunk Dahyun” She tries to say it in the softest way possible.

“I drank water and aspirin. I’ll just get a cab. Thanks Nayeon”

She does nothing but watch as the younger starts to pack her stuff, which was not much really. Dahyun gets her coat and shoves her keys and phone inside the pocket. All the while Nayeon points to where her things are.

“I’ll walk you out, let me just take my coat.” Dahyun reaches out for her wrist to stop her.

“You don’t have to. I’ll get down okay. Thank you Nayeon, really.” The younger hugs her, Nayeon keeping both of her arms at her sides. She watches as the younger faced the door and turns the knob.

Just as she hears the lock open, she finds it impossible to hold back. And for the first time in a long while, she lets herself go.

She pushes the door back to a close.

“Don’t go.”

“Please” Nayeon realizes just how desperate she is as she pulls Dahyun on both shoulders and turns her around to face her.

Dahyun stares at her questioningly and Nayeon’s brain short circuits.

She hears the emergency alarms going off inside her mind. Her whole apartment fading out. Her heart jumping out of her rib cage because of Dahyun. Her whole focus on Dahyun, only Dahyun. Just as it has been ever since she met her.

She thinks of the ring on Dahyun’s finger. Thinks of the girl present on Dahyun’s phone wallpaper – smiling, most possibly at Dahyun. She thinks of the first snowfall, the way Dahyun rushed out to meet her. Dahyun’s spontaneous calls inside the office, which she sees when she looks up across her office. Sees the way Dahyun’s smiling while talking to whoever she was on the phone.

“Nayeon?” Dahyun cups her face and dries off a tear she didn’t know was falling. Nayeon was crying.

“Someone’s waiting for me Nayeon. She’s waiting” Dahyun still dries her tears and this action makes Nayeon want to cry more.

She thinks of how Dahyun kept glancing at her phone for messages she would never get. She thinks about how much Dahyun drank tonight and all the other team dinner’s that she had the pleasure to attend – the reason why she stopped going. She thinks of Dahyun waiting alone in front of the restaurant for a ride that would never come. Thinks about the notifications on the younger’s phone which was nothing but a reminder for a dental appointment.

She makes up her mind.

“I know.” _But she’s not waiting, I am._ The last part she keeps to herself.

Everything she’s been holding back, all her resolve, it broke at this moment. She knew better than to get herself in this position but _fuck._

“I’m done staring” Nayeon slowly leans in, her hands releasing the younger’s shoulders to cup soft cheeks. She feels Dahyun’s breath on her lips, waits for her to push her back and when she doesn’t, Nayeon finally closes the gap.

Dahyun kisses her back.

She stops thinking. Stops caring. Stops wondering why Dahyun kissed her back. All that mattered in this moment was Dahyun’s lips. It was everything she imagined to be and boy did she imagine, imagined every waking hour. It was soft and tasted sweet even with the faint scent of alcohol. She can’t stop the moans eliciting from her mouth. Frantic hands reaching everywhere it could, the younger’s hips, her back, her arms. Memorizing every dip and curve of Dahyun’s body. It was intoxicating, she doesn’t know how to, but she figures this is how it feels to fly. Her knees threaten to buckle, an after effect of kissing the object of her affection for years.

She finds it too hard to stop with a kiss. So she doesn’t.

She finds courage to slip her tongue which was met with the same enthusiasm. She takes off the younger’s coat then reached out underneath her shirt. Hands roaming the younger’s back, warm and soft skin. She gulps a moan. Dahyun’s arms tighten around her neck. The heat they were emitting was suddenly too much, Nayeon didn’t realize she was panting. She feels a familiar warmth pool in her belly. She stumbles forward, trapping Dahyun in between her and the door. She settles her palm against the wood to brace impact.

“Ahh. Dahyun. _Fuck_ ” She felt her body spasming. She can’t believe she got off just from kissing. Another embarrassment she adds to the list for the day.

“D-did you-- ” She hears Dahyun’s muffled voice.

“Shut up.” She cuts off Dahyun before she digs her grave any further. She hears Dahyun snicker and she can’t help but smile herself, despite the situation.

“Are you okay? Can you still stand up?” Nayeon pulls back and sees concern in Dahyun’s eyes which made her feel guilty – almost, because she brushed it off away as soon as she felt it.

Her breath starting to get even now while Dahyun soothes her and rubs her back. She thinks about how Dahyun’s the only reason she’s still standing. Dahyun pulls her for an embrace. Burying her face on Nayeon’s neck.

“I _really_ have to go Nayeon” Dahyun pushes her back softly.

She watched for the second time as Dahyun composes herself. She feels surprised at how stable the other girl was, how precise her movements were. She watched shamelessly as the younger picks up her coat and other belongings which fell on the floor. As if it’s the last time.

“I’ll see you on Monday” She hates how Dahyun smiles at her. How soft it was. How affectionate. How understanding.

Dahyun turns the knob.

Nayeon counts every second.

This time she doesn’t stop her.

The door finally closes. She sees it, she hears it.

She walks over to the sofa and settles down to where Dahyun had been. The warmth of her presence long gone. She throws an arm over her eyes. The reality of what she had done closing in on her. She allows herself to wonder if she has lost Dahyun forever.

Then she cries for the second time that night.


	2. Im Nayeon I

_Don't you tell me that it wasn't meant to be_

_Call it quits_

_Call it destiny_

_Just because it won't come easily_

_Doesn't mean we shouldn't try_

\----

But she doesn’t see her on Monday, nor the following day after.

She wasn’t sure what she was anticipating, rumors in the office, parade of questions, her face plastered at every corner, not this - not radio silence. Dahyun wasn’t like that of course – but Nayeon’s innate nature to be suspicious of anyone has caused her to doubt even the most ridiculously honest person she has ever met. At least until _that_ but she doesn’t want to think about it right now.

She looks up to see the empty seat across her office. She hasn’t seen Dahyun in two days. Surely it wasn’t because the younger was avoiding her? From where they left off, it seems like there weren’t any ill feelings? Or was there guilt? Pity? Thousand of thoughts run through her mind but there’s one plausible reason she doesn’t even have the courage to think of.

She cranes her neck upward and rubs her nape. She breathes deeply.

_Im Nayeon, you need to calm down._

\----

Nayeon cancelled her weekly plans with Jeongyeon and Jihyo. She was supposed to meet Mina and Tzuyu as well but she just wasn’t feeling up to it, she’s not in the mood to be interrogated as to why she looks shittier than usual.

This is the third day that she hasn’t seen Dahyun. Third day of not being in the same confined space. She misses the way Dahyun’s whole face seems to focus on the task at hand, the creases in between her eyebrows, the way she sighs when things doesn’t seem to go well, the polite smiles she used to throw when she’s thinking and Nayeon _accidentally_ catches her eye.

She misses everything about her. Even when she knows she shouldn’t.

A thought occurs to Nayeon. Maybe this is the universe telling her to correct her wrongs. To undo the damage and save Dahyun, eventually save herself and _her._ It’s not too far gone, maybe this is her way out. Maybe Dahyun _is_ giving her a way out, saving her from the embarrassment, letting the recent events sink in so Nayeon can face her cleansed from these asinine thoughts she was having.

All she has to do is to stop thinking and condition her mind. She has to do everything to push her out. She feels a burst of energy inside her with the thought of having control, the power to rewind everything. She glances at the clock and figures that she does have time. She’s not one to suddenly show up on the last minute, so she thinks of other places she could go.

Her thoughts linger to a place she hasn’t gone for far too long. It’s perfect.

\----

“Another round please”

“The same one?”

Nayeon nodded despite having already downed three shots of whiskey. She could handle her alcohol well, but for a hard drink like this, four would be her maximum. She feels like she’s not going to get drunk but she knows that this drink is a traitor, she’ll probably need help in the morning. She wasn’t trying to get drunk off her mind, it just so happened that this place wasn’t the same as it used to be. Faint memories of wild nights, sneaking out, escaping her problems one by one with each shot – sending her to another high.

It looked more and more like a graveyard of lost dreams, misguided hope, of people forgotten, legends turning into myths. The illusion has been lifted.

The bartender comes back with her shot, she traces the rim of her glass as she contemplates if she should get plastered or just go home. The master plan doesn’t seem to be working anyway.

A handle settles on her thigh.

“Hey you. Haven’t seen you in a while”

A sultry voice she vaguely remembers. Someone from way back.

_Jennie. She was Jennie’s first. In the bathroom. Definitely not one of Nayeon’s proudest moments._

She stares at her blankly and with reason, Jennie has gotten a lot prettier. Straight hair falling right above her waist, her black dress tightly hugging her curves perfectly like it was customized to torture for whoever sees it, leave them wanting for more. 

Nayeon smiles after staring at her up and down.

“It _has_ been a long time. How are you?”

Nayeon takes note to reach out for the other girl’s hand. The girl chuckles, she doesn’t remove hers.

“Well. I’m doing great – for the most part, just wanted to cool off, life can be hectic as you probably know. Felt nostalgic so I came back here to relive memories, of certain places” She stops to look at their hands then intertwined them. Nayeon didn’t budge. “And of certain people”

Nayeon leans in, still with her hands intertwined and softly whispered, giving it the tone to get her point across.

“You’re in luck. I’m looking for the exact same thing” She leans back and sees the blush that has adorned Jennie’s cheeks.

Nayeon abruptly stands up, untangles their fingers, leaves a 60 dollar bill and starts to walk away from the other girl. She looks back to see Jennie like a deer in headlights. She smirks.

“You coming?”

She tries to hold in her laugh as she sees the other girl stumbling out of the bar stool. Walking in strides to catch up. She laces their fingers again. This is exactly what she needs.

\----

If there was something that hadn’t changed with Jennie, it’s the fact that she was impatient.

Jennie couldn’t wait until they found a place. Nayeon lifted her arms as Jennie helped her out of her button up shirt and she’s left with her black lacy bra. Jennie then pushes Nayeon until her back lays flat on the backseat of her car. It takes Nayeon by surprise to see the other girl making the first move but she lets her anyway. Thank God she had the car windows tinted in the darkest shade.

She could feel Jennie’s eyes savor her – years of pent up frustration. Her hands started to roam and touch every part of Nayeon’s skin that was bare. She felt Jennie’s hot breaths against her neck, hungry kisses soon came after. A hand on her left breast, gently massaging.

She closes her eyes. Easing into it.

_It’s nice to feel wanted._

The kisses turned into gentle bites and Nayeon felt her breath hitch. Jennie started to trace from her neck down to her chest, leaving wet sloppy kisses. Nayeon focuses on her headliners, the plainness of the creme face fabric. Careful but prying hands exploring her sides. There’s a slight sag where her car window and the edge of the fabric meets. She tilts her head back a little to see just how the far it goes. Jennie took that as an invitation to place hundreds of kisses on her neck.

“God, I’ve missed you” Jennie said while taking off her blouse buttons one by one.

Anybody would be so lucky to bed THE Jennie Kim. The IT girl in the model industry, her face the spread of every magazine that matters. Nayeon should be thanking whoever brought her here in front of her, half naked in her car, full of want, only for her. Just her.

If it was a few years earlier, she might have.

Jennie proceeds to unzip her jeans, she hears her breathing heavily. The model doesn’t even bother taking off Nayeon’s jeans but tries to slid in her hand instead.

“Jennie” Nayeon gently touches her arm to stop.

But she doesn’t. Jennie forces her hand for better access. Nayeon panics and she pushes her back with much force that Jennie’s back smacks to the other side of the car.

A pair of wide eyes starting back at her.

“Oh my god. I’m sorry I didn’t mean to. It’s just you were pushing and I just didn’t, I mean you didn’t hear me and I wasn’t-”

Nayeon sighs and runs a hand through her hair. Sits up and looks out the window. She thanks how Jennie doesn’t push her to speak and just started to dress herself up.

She pulls courage once again because it’s the least she can do, stirring up whatever she couldn’t even finish.

“Look Jennie, I’m just really sorry” She says with all the sincerity she can muster.

“I get it Nayeon. You’re inlove with someone else”

Now it’s Nayeon’s turn to look at her like she just figured out the biggest mystery in the world. But she doesn’t deny it, she owes her that much.

“Honestly, I would have missed it except your head was drifting off to god knows where while I was going down on you. It’s almost like doing with it a dead body. So thanks for not letting me experience that”

They both laughed at the snide comment and Nayeon tried to hide her cheeks which was burning in embarrassment.

“Yeah I. I messed up. If it’s okay with you can l just drive to where you have to go and then call it a night?”

“Do you want to talk about it?”

“No, no. I can’t bother you much longer”

“You can’t or you won’t?”

It was tempting but it wasn’t a problem she could easily talk about. Talking about it made it seem that whatever happened was real. Nayeon opts to hold her gaze instead, lost in a moment of indecision.

“If you won’t, then I’ll just take an uber and don’t fight me on this.”

“Jennie, it’s not that. I-“

“Listen, I’m going to be frank with you. Earlier when I saw you again, I thought this was the world doing its thing, us meeting accidentally. I know it’s cliché but I really thought we were having a moment.”

Jennie reaches out for Nayeon’s hand and the latter lets her hold it. It was comfort she was offering and she needs it now.

“…I guess what I’m trying to say is that I’m still fond of you. I don’t know what you have going on right now which made you like this. Whatever it is, I want you to face what’s bothering you head on. If it doesn’t work or even if doesn’t, you know where to find me”

Jennie flashed her a smile then takes a piece of paper from her purse, writes something at the back and gives it to Nayeon.

“I don’t deserve all of this. But thank you Jennie. I’m glad we crossed paths. Again”

“You should stop thinking whether or not you deserve things given to you. That’s not your decision to make. That’s not selflessness, it’s pity. Let’s get past that.”

Jennie checked her appearance one more time using a hand mirror then unlocks the door.

Nayeon waited until she got into an Uber, waving her off before she gets inside. She takes a mental note of the plate number before she removed herself from the backseat and went back to the driver’s seat. 

Jennie was right. Any decision she makes from now on would only lead to an undesirable outcome. There was just no going past it once she did what she had done. She made this mess and it was time to own up.

\--

Nayeon gets to the office an hour earlier to calm her nerves. She never drinks tea, she was more of a coffee type person but there’s always a chance to change up everything right? To find new habits? To start over? Right? _Right._ Is this even about coffee? She claims she doesn’t know anymore.

It was lunch time and Dahyun still hasn’t showed up, probably not for the whole day. She was gone for a whole week and Nayeon has deduced that this time she was entirely sure it was her fault.

_No! it was not the time to wallow in self-pity. This day she will do things right. She has convinced herself, this was the only way to fix everything._

Then an ingenious idea came up as she saw Gahyeon pass by. Dahyun’s closest friend in the office and someone who she sits next to. Nayeon is not that much of a friend of hers. But what’s wrong with striking a conversation? She tries to make up possible scenarios in her head. She _has to_ make this as natural as possible. She stands up and gets a folder from her desk then heads to Dahyun’s cube.

She places the folder on Dahyun’s desk and looks from left to right.

This gets Gahyeon’s attention as she looks up from her desk.

“Hey. What’s up Nayeon? Is that for Dahyun? You can just leave that there” She says without missing a beat then goes straight back to work.

_Come on Nayeon, don’t chicken out._

“This is kind of important. Do you know what time she’ll be coming back? We have a few things to discuss.”

Gahyeon looks at her a bit weirdly.

“Why?”

Gahyeon shakes her head and smiles. “You really need a break Nayeon. It’s MAMA week, the kids went to Japan and Dahyun went with. You know how protective she gets”

Nayeon facepalms herself then looks around to see that there were a lot of staff missing, not just Dahyun’s.

“Oh yeah. I must have totally forgotten. Wow I’m embarrassed. Thanks Gahyeon”

“You shouldn’t be. I know how busy this season gets. She did say they were coming back next week. I’ll let her know about your meeting once she gets back”

“Meeting? Yeah I mean. Uhm. Thank you”

Nayeon scurries back to her office with a big grin on her face. She can’t believe she was so stupid to forget about the year end shows. She was so into herself, she was barely able to notice anything. Okay maybe she wasn’t stupid, just maybe Dahyun centered? She laughs at her ridiculousness and finds a new motivation to finish at least 3 tasks from her list today.

She can’t wait for next week.

\--

Nayeon didn’t realize how late it was when she finished her fifth task for today. Half of the floor’s lights were already turned off. It was around 8PM as she stretched her arms out. She stood up and finished her paperwork, placing them neatly inside her bin.

She was retrieving her things in a personalized locker when she saw the office doors open. Out of all the people that could have come in. It had to be her.

It was Dahyun.

She gets a hold of herself and immediately runs off to hide underneath her table. She hears Dahyun’s footsteps growing near. She clutches on her bag strap.

She hears some ruffling then the footsteps faintly going away.

She contemplates whether she should make a run for it or just face Dahyun now. Gahyeon did say she was coming back next week so why is she back so soon? She was going to prepare for the entire weekend, this doesn’t have to be now.

She silently closes her door and sees that the pantry’s lights were open. _Fuck it._

She slowly walks towards the door with uneven breaths, going through multiple times what she has to say inside her head.

She steps foot inside the door and sees Dahyun in the middle of drinking from a bottled water. Mouth half opened. If she was startled, then she was great at hiding it.

She finishes and sends a smile to Nayeon’s way.

“Hi Nayeon”

Nayeon says hi back.

“You’re back so soon?”

Dahyun placed her bottle on the counter.

“Are you keeping tabs on me?”

Nayeon feels her nerves ease out. They’re bantering as if nothing changed between them. 

Except everything did change. If the thickness of tension in the air was any indication. 

“Please. You have piled up paperwork. I have been dropping them off your workstation, I think I should get a portion of that paycheck”

“Oh wow. Yeah blame me for taking good care of what this company is making money out of” Dahyun chuckled and turned her back to whatever cup she was mixing.

If Nayeon figured out something while Dahyun was away, it was that there are different kinds of bravery and there is one specific kind that she has seem to yet run out of everytime she sees Dahyun. Foolish bravery.

“What if I am?”

Dahyun stops mixing and turns her head around.

Nayeon doesn’t know what takes over her then. If it’s Dahyun’s puffy eyes, her red ears or her nasally voice.

“What If I… “

“…missed you a lot. I thought I was going to lose my mind. I thought you were avoiding me and that you didn’t want to see me. All there was, all there is - is you.”

She takes a step towards Dahyun.

“I know we shouldn’t. I shouldn’t. It’s not right. That’s why I was here to make it okay again. But every time I see you, it’s like the words erase themselves.”

“I like you. I have liked you for the longest time Dahyun.”

Dahyun looking shocked is an understatement. She’s facing her back again. It’s like she physically sees the internal battle the younger is facing. She knows she was asking for too much.

Another step forward.

“You don’t have to say anything. You don’t have to be anything. You just have to.. You just have to be you. Just exist for me.”

She says, a little bit out of breath. Nayeon has never felt so scared her whole life. She felt dizzy, her palms clamming up. How she hasn’t fainted yet remains a mystery. 

“If this makes you a little happier, then that’s more than enough for me.”

The next step Nayeon takes brings her almost face to face with Dahyun. Her breaths unsteady as she aims for the younger’s lips with an unrivaled passion, she has never felt for anyone before. That same amount of passion was returned right back by Dahyun’s eager and inviting lips.

“I…”

Nayeon says in between intakes of air.

“….can’t”

She softly bites Dahyun’s lips.

“stop”

She lifts Dahyun from her waist to the counter. Spreads her legs open as she fits her body right in. Chest to chest, heaving, breathless and irrevocable. Nayeon continued to kiss her lips while the younger’s arms encircle her neck, engulfing her in a tight embrace. She was tracing the younger’s neck with her mouth when they heard footsteps approach.

They immediately let each other go and fixed their selves up. Going into different corners, pretending to busy themselves.

A man which seems to be in his forty’s takes a peak inside before pushing the door open. He looks at each of them.

“Hello. We’re turning off the lights in 30.”

Dahyun was first to speak up. Which was great really because Nayeon didn’t trust herself to speak at this very moment.

“Oh. We didn’t notice. We’ll be leaving soon right? Nayeon?”

Nayeon just nodded her head. Seemingly satisfied, the man headed his way out.

When he was out of ear shot. Nayeon turned to Dahyun again.

“Let’s continue back at my place?”

She hopes Dahyun hasn’t changed her mind. It takes Dahyun a few more moments to respond.

“I’ll last longer this time. What do you say? Hm?”

That earned a laugh from Dahyun. It wasn’t light hearted but a laugh is a laugh.

“We’ll see then.”

\--

As soon as Nayeon shut the door behind her, she began kissing Dahyun with the younger’s back pressed to the wall.

Nobody should taste this good. Or does it taste good because it’s borrowed? She stops thinking for now when she feels Dahyun’s lips on her neck.

She responds back by pulling Dahyun’s dress above her head. Her bare skin underneath her fingertips and sent her a shock.

She tightens her touch around her waist as they struggle to reach Nayeon’s bed.

“You’re beautiful”

Dahyun gave her a breathless smile and pulled her blouse to keep her closer. Then she sat on the edge of Nayeon’s bed. Nayeon stared at her for a few minutes, clad in matching red lingerie. Her hourglass figure, her snow like skin, her chest which would perfectly fit in a fist and her thick thighs that could very well strangle her neck. 

She grows warmer just thinking about it. _My god._

Nayeon dips her knee in between Dahyun’s thighs and pushes her softly into the bed. Her other knee following suit, widening the space in between the younger’s thighs farther.

Then she began to strip tease. Unbuttoning her blouse one by one with one hand, slowly revealing white supple skin. She enjoys the way the younger’s breath grows heavily. Her eyes savoring every amount of skin revealed.

She wanted to give her a show. Make her enjoy this moment. Make her forget.

It was the hell of fire on her bed. Except she wasn’t burning. It felt like heaven to see her sprawled out on her mattress. To feel her. To hold her hand. Inhale her breath.

It was all kinds of wrong but all she knows is that in whatever twisted fate, she was meant to be here. With Dahyun. When she moans her name at every single risqué touch and when her toes curl every time she gives her a taste.

Nayeon wonders of she can be apologetic if she doesn’t intend to stop. It’s an addiction. Morphine. Nicotine. Opioids. She’s taking everything until she tips over.

Until she keels and bleeds and breaks.

\--

Nayeon wakes up at the sound of ruffling between the bed sheets. She reaches out for the spot next to her only to grasp thin air.

She immediately sits up holding the sheets to cover her chest. She feels panic rising when she doesn’t find the girl anywhere.

“Why are you up?”

Says Dahyun with her bun poking out from the door. Something with her wearing Nayeon’s oversized shirt makes her heart swell. It replaced her panic with comfort. It scares her how much she lets Dahyun affect her. But she could get used to this. At least for the time being. Until she allows her to.

“I thought you left”

Dahyun walked back to the bed and took up the space beside Nayeon, sharing the covers. She lowers herself a little bit so now her head is the perfect level to lean on Nayeon’s shoulder. Yet she doesn’t. She continues to stare forward.

“Nope. I’m here” Then looks sideways to Nayeon.

“But I have to leave soon.”

Nayeon glaces at the clock and squints to see the time, she barely makes out that it’s just 6AM. Too early for a Saturday. She thinks about being home alone all day. She doesn’t think she can, not when she’s already used to the warmth, she’s experienced. Not when she’s used to Dahyun already.

“Stay” She says softly.

“You were supposed to go back next week anyway. Can’t you?” She says almost in a whisper. Silently pleading. Hoping that Dahyun doesn’t find her too much already.

“Okay.”

“Okay?” Nayeon was shocked with how easy it is.

“Okay. This time.” Dahyun smiles at her then sat up so that she’s facing Nayeon.

“Then what are we going to do today?”

“I can think of a few things” Nayeon gave her the biggest grin.

“Shut up” She felt Dahyun’s soft punch on her shoulder.

Nayeon catches the next punch, taking Dahyun by surprise which she took as opportunity to push her on the bed. The wrist which Dahyun used to punch now pinned above her head. The sheets slid off where it lies on the ground covering nothing. Nayeon fully exposed for Dahyun to see. For her to take.

“Not if I shut you up first.” Nayeon places a kiss on the younger’s lips. The one to spark a thousand kisses more this morning.

Nayeon thinks she could get used to everyday being like this.

\--

Nayeon cooks Dahyun breakfast, it wasn’t perfect but it was edible. If it was bad, Dahyun didn’t say anything. They prance around each other the whole day, Nayeon finding it hard to keep her hands to herself. She has never been this happy.

Dahyun was looking out the window, a good few feet away from it all.

She fights the urge to wrap her arms around the younger’s waist which she eventually loses.

“You’re still scared of heights?”

“I don’t think it’s going to go away.” Dahyun wraps an arm around herself as if to protect herself, as if someone’s going to push her at any given time. Nayeon holds her tighter.

“It’s safe here. Don’t worry. I’ll hold you every time it gets too scary”

Dahyun hums and smiles lightly which barely reached her eyes. She starts staring at the collage hung up on the wall.

“Is that Jeongyeon?”

Nayeon nods in response.

“Did she bother you that time?”

“No, she was actually really nice and polite about it. You have great friends”

“Well, they’re okay I guess” Nayeon smiled while thinking about them. They accept the kind of mess she is but loves her either way. She doesn’t tell Dahyun though, she doesn’t want to show how soft she gets.

Dahyun points to a picture.

“I’m guessing this is your mom?”

“Yes”

“She’s pretty and she looks a lot like you.”

She blushes and looks at her mom. She had lost a lot of fat since then.

“Thank you. She really is.”

“What about your Dad?”

“He’s dead”

Dahyun unwraps her arms to hold Nayeon’s arms that are bound on her waist and doesn’t say anything else.

For that moment, it was enough and Nayeon loved that about Dahyun. She doesn’t pry for information that’s not willingly given. She knows when to stop, when to wait, when to fight her battles. She takes things as is without question. But she gives you comfort through her actions and that was exactly what Nayeon needed.

So they stand still, arms wrapped around each other. Staring at the tall buildings opposite from Nayeon’s flat. Seeing everything and nothing all at once.

\--

Nayeon mulls over the weekend they spent lounging in Dahyun’s couch. Nayeon spooning Dahyun while watching whatever was available on TV. She found out that Dahyun likes action comedy films when she didn’t seem like the type.

She remembers a scene where Dahyun was acting out one of the action scenes, an imaginary gun replacing her hand. She smiles to herself as she waits for Dahyun this Monday morning with warm milk disguised in a coffee cup.

“What are you smiling about?”

Nayeon looks up and sees Dahyun wearing a white padded coat, scarf loosely hugging her neck, smiling back at her.

“Why not? There’s a lot to smile about.” She stands up and hands Dahyun the coffee cup. Then they start to walk.

“Oh. You shouldn’t have” Dahyun has this perplexed look on her face like when she’s trying her hardest to be polite.

“I like it. I like doing things for you”

Dahyun sighs and takes a drink from the cup. Her mouth forms an O shape. A bit of foam left on the top of her lip.

“This is not coffee.”

“Good observation. No, it’s not. It’s milk”

“How did you know?”

Nayeon looks at the foam. She resists. Not out in the open. Dahyun senses it and beats whatever resistance she has left, removing the foam with her thumb.

“I told you. I’ve liked you for a very long time” Nayeon gives her a big grin.

Nayeon noticed a few weeks in that Dahyun was not a big fan of coffee. However, she can’t find it in herself to decline her seniors so she drinks and orders them anyway. She’s not exactly sure when it started but Dahyun would always bring her own coffee cup, with just hot milk inside. Since then, whenever someone asks her for coffee, she would politely decline saying she already has one. _Genius._

It also made her realize that maybe she did like her way before she barely knew what all her feelings meant.

“You’re not secretly Joe Goldberg, are you?”

“If I was, would you stop this?”

Dahyun gave her a lingering stare. Like she was pondering over something. If something had to be said.

_3 blocks. They pass an intersection._

“What?” Nayeon speaks over. She wants to know.

“Nothing. I just.”

“Nothing is never just nothing.”

Dahyun started to walk in hurried steps and she doesn’t look at Nayeon when she started to speak.

“Well, I suddenly thought about it. If I was. If I was in that situation, If I was Beck or Love, and you were whatever Joe is. About what I would feel. It doesn’t scare me at all and I don’t know why I feel the way I feel”

“You’re not scared to die because of someone’s obsession?”

“Is it so bad? To die knowing someone wanted you that much? When you don’t even want yourself?”

Nayeon doesn’t speak for a moment. Trying to take it all in.

“I’m sorry. I made it weird right?”

Nayeon vehemently shakes her head. Dahyun laughs then plants a smirk on her face that doesn’t quite match her eyes.

“Maybe I just like being watched. It feeds my ego”

_2 blocks. A crossing._

“Don’t do that.”

“Do what?”

“Faking it.”

When Dahyun doesn’t acknowledge otherwise. She continues.

“I like it when you’re honest. When you’re blunt. You don’t have to think about what I think. You don’t have to put up an image when you’re with me. Not me”

“Thanks Nayeon.”

Dahyun shoves her hands on her coat pockets.

“But that sounds like a friend to me.”

“And we can’t be friends. Not after what happened.”

Nayeon’s heart shrivels up. Like any progress made was immaterialized right there and then. That might have shown on her face because Dahyun was quick to hold her arms. She rubs them gently. It keeps Nayeon in place.

“We can’t be friends Nayeon, because if I think of me as a friend, that’s a bit too much don’t you think? Not when I have the power to hurt you like this”

“But I told you I wanted this-”

“But I gave you permission”

Dahyun retreats her arms to the comfort of her pockets. Nayeon tries her hardest not to cry. She has done countless of those things already. She should have resiliency by now.

“I can’t promise you friendship because that would mean a lot of things. Like talking about things that you don’t want to hear. Of people you might not want to talk about. So let’s just be each other’s _in between’s_ ”

“In between’s?”

Dahyun nods.

“Yes. Not a friendship. Not something more either. Just you and me. And when I start to hurt you, intentional or not, promise you’ll tell me to stop”

“How about when I hurt you?”

“I doubt that”

“But I can”

“Not as much as I can”

“Still, if I do. What then?”

“Then I’ll tell you to stop too.”

“Do you promise?”

“In between’s don’t promise. But I can try”

Nayeon stops.

“Come on. You said you like me when I’m honest?” A cheeky smile. Genuine this time. It makes Nayeon smile too.

_One more block. Dahyun comes to a halt._

“I’ll go this way. You’ll make a left?”

Nayeon nods.

“I’ll see you up there?”

_The light turned green._

“When do you not ever see me stalker?”

Dahyun laughs then threads the crosswalk.

Nayeon stays still, watching Dahyun’s back as she reaches the final block. She thinks about all the things Dahyun said, how she feels. She’s always seen Dahyun but not in this way. Not so close their hearts were touching.

She thinks about how it feels to have this every single day. How she wants to be Dahyun’s, even if it only means 20 minutes of a day. But she can’t be greedy because she is what Dahyun said she is.

Her in between. Her stalker. But not hers.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Apologies for the wait. This chapter was supposed to be longer but I had to split it so I can give faster updates. Though it's not that fast. This chapter focuses on the build up while the next ones would revolve around the break down. A special shoutout to @studioreject, your comment gave me the boost to write this chapter. 
> 
> I appreciate every single one of you who reads this. I hope we can see this through to the end. I still check the twitter tag #OHAW. Thank you for reading! Until next time.


	3. [TW] Im Nayeon II

_And all the roads we have to walk are winding  
And all the lights that lead us there are blinding  
There are many things that I  
Would like to say to you but I don't know how_

_Because maybe, you're gonna be the one that saves me  
And after all, you're my wonderwall_

* * *

The familiar scent of tea filled Nayeon’s senses. She looks up and sees Dahyun with her hair tied up in a bun, sporting a sweater that looks like a few sizes bigger than her, paired with some leggings and her favorite boots. A cup in between both hands, her foot supporting the door.

She rushed over before Nayeon could stand up and placed the cup on the table. “I brought you chamomile tea, hope it would help with the nerves.”

“Thank you. How did you know?”

Dahyun sat down on the chair opposite to Nayeon, looking past her. “Your list. It makes it easier to handle you”

Nayeon followed her gaze and turned her head around.

“Ahh. Of course _that_ list. Maybe I should tear that sometime and surprise you?”

“Nothing surprises me anymore, but I guess you can try?” Nayeon smiles and slumps back on the chair.

“Are you ready?” The younger asks with such concern in her eyes, Nayeon can’t afford to lie.

“I have been preparing for this board meeting for months.” She takes a pause. Does she dare say it?

“I just don’t know if I’m good enough.” She does.

She sighs then looks down at the folder in front of her.

“I’m scared”

Nayeon felt warmth on her right hand which was holding a pen. Dahyun has reached out for her.

“Look at me” She felt the younger’s hand tighten around her clenched fist. She met her eyes.

“I’m not paid to be biased. I have seen you work. The output, the stats, the deals and more than that, I have seen how much you wanted this. I can’t say for others and I have no idea about the outcome but the next best thing is to tell you that I trust you. Your skills. You are Im Nayeon and you’re amazing in what you do. You’ll get through this”

Nayeon feels a burst of different emotions consume her. She woke up this morning dragging her feet until she arrived into the office. But here was Dahyun, wrapping her in so much comfort, with so much trust, she actually believes herself this time.

_So this is how it feels when someone believes in you._

“You’re spoiling me too much” 

“I think you need it”

“More than you?”

“This is not about me though” Dahyun replies with her brows raised.

Nayeon chuckles. “Since we’re already on the topic of spoiling me, how about you have dinner with me after?”

“I can’t. I have something today. But I can treat you to lunch tomorrow?”

Dahyun tilts her head a little to the left then smiles at her apologetically. Nayeon’s heart jumps a little, it has been a steady occurrence these days.

“Okay but just because you’re cute” She throws a grin back at Dahyun and she swear she sees her eyes sparkle for a split second.

A knock on the door interrupts their moment, Nayeon quickly removes her hand from Dahyun’s grasp. The door opens and Gahyeon peeks in and waves at Dahyun.

“Nayeon, the board wants you up there in an hour. Good luck!” She scurries right after then closes the door.

Dahyun stands up as soon as the door closed. “I guess it’s my time to go. I know you can do it. I’ll see you later?”

Nayeon simply nods and watched her take gentle steps towards the door.

“Dahyun?”

Dahyun turns around with a curious look on her face.

“Thank you”

Dahyun flashed her a big smile then raised both arms with balled fists.

“Fighting!”

Nayeon smiles then sighs once she heard the door close. Less than an hour.

She reached out to get the cup Dahyun brought when she felt something on the side of the cup. It was a sticky note.

**_To the first and only employee who received a perfect score on the evaluations. Never underestimate yourself. You’re great._ _😊_**

She takes the note and sticks it on her list. She was going to make that meeting her bitch.

* * *

“This is the best time to penetrate the western market. We have seen a tremendous increase in the amount of sales for the past six months without any international promotions. Please turn to page 40 with all the charts enumerating the different groups from different entertainment companies with their overall sales for digital, physical and socials in the past six years”

Nayeon looked around the room and felt her nerves settle down with every nod she received from the members of the board. She was doing really well. Too well actually, for a person who’s been clawing her way to the top every chance she’s been given. This was definitely a breeze.

Just as she was about to present the next slide, a man clad in an all-black suit brazenly enters and announces,

“The chairman will be attending this meeting”

The whole room moved with the announcement, rapidly standing up from their seats. A few murmurs heard around the room. The chairman rarely attends these kinds of meetings.

A tall man with wavy curls walks into the room, his head held high, dressed in a pinstripe suit, wrapped in a commanding aura. A man who has never lost a battle.

Nayeon can recognize his chiselled nose anywhere. She stands straighter, trying to match him. He’s not the only one who dislikes losing in this room.

She waits for him to take his seat and watched him as he crossed his legs. He looked straight at the presentation on the board.

“Chairman. I didn’t know you were coming. I can start from the top if you would like to” 

“No, don’t. I’ll make this quick Miss Im.”

He flips the pages of the folder in front of him. Her work for the past year poured out to pages.

“I have read the presentation and frankly, I don’t know what all the effort is for” 

The room crumbles into silence.

“We have, in all humbleness, owned Japan and Korea for all the groups that we are promoting so far. This is more than a gamble, fourth of those sales will go solely into a project with a shot in the dark chance of success. Do you have any idea how much the operations costs are per year? This all sounds fantastic in theory but you simply don’t have anything concrete to back this up”

Nayeon looks around the room which was agreeing with her a few moments earlier, before this devil dressed in expensive clothing walked in. _Fucking traitors._

She grits her teeth and clenches her fist until she can feel her nails digging the skin.

“With all due respect, I have tabulated our costs and tallied that with our profits. We can make this gamble. It’s all in there, I can explain it in detail if you just let me continue with the presentation”

“Tabulations. Proportionalities, inverses. Hypothesis. That’s all idea in ink. Make believe profit. The company can afford it, but it’s too big of a loss. We have other cost efficient projects, we can’t possibly put all our eggs in one basket. It’s not your money to lose”

Nayeon feels dizzy. She wants to puke. On his face.

“I do want you to tell me one thing, Miss Im. Is this just your greed talking?”

The question takes her back. “Excuse me?”

“I’ve heard about it. Your pending promotion. Director of both of marketing and research. You have certainly aimed high and might have possibly jumped your way up with I don’t know what tactics you used under your sleeves. But if you’re trying to impress me in the expense of the company, that’s the best way to get to the bottom of the pile. Get your act together”

He takes the folder and nudges it to his assistant. Then he looks at her.

“Put this idea back into the shelf where it belongs. I don’t want to see any scrap from now on”

He fixes his tie then stands up. Prompting the members to do so as well. Nayeon can’t let him leave like this. It was her life on those papers, what she was working so hard for. She can’t let him take anymore.

“Chairman Minatozaki”

He stops. Then looks at her.

“You’re right. It _is_ greed, but not mine. It’s about time we make the gamble. We talk about it. We fantasize about it. But we never act on it. We have taken too much pride in being average. If this is where heading, there’s no use in trying to impress anyone”

He scoffs then smirks. To annoy Nayeon? Possibly.

“Did I hurt your feelings?” He continues. “Granted you’re young and idealistic. If you need a pep talk then I guess this is where I should say that I appreciate the work you’ve put into it? But if you may, let me share to you one insensitive thing, hard work doesn’t guarantee success. I don’t care how many hours you poured into this, but if it doesn’t put money on the table, it means nothing to me.”

He stares at her as if trying to get his point across then finally walks off.

The board follows suit with some glancing at her with apologetic looks on their faces. She hates it more. The pity on their faces. _Hypocrites_. She immerses herself in the way he made her feel. So fucking pathetic. She wasted all this time just to fail. When she finally thought that she had done well for herself, his reality slaps her back. She finds it difficult to breath, she grabs whatever papers were left from the table and rushed out.

* * *

She closed the door behind her gently. Then placed her bag on the kitchen counter.

She doesn’t remember how she got home. Her memories had gotten hazy. She pushed on the counter to hold herself up.

_It’s here again._

There’s this weird sensation on her head. Like something blunt is being pushed against it. She sees black spots fill her vision. Something being forced out of her throat. Something inexplicable coming from within. The tightness in her chest consuming her. She’s powerless to hold it off. She feels dizzy and feels panic rising on her chest. She hears a monotone sound which kept playing inside her head. She sits down and feels her breath quicken. She tries to listen in to her breathing but she can’t hear anything. She has to take it out.

So she screams. She doesn’t stop screaming until her lungs start to give out.

“Fucking hell. Fuck! Fuck! Fuck!”

She sees the vase at the corner of her vision. She takes hold of it and starts tracing the mould. She separates each flower and pours the water on the floor. She stands up and holds it in both hands. She eyes her photo wall.

She angles herself. Right foot taking one step back. She grips harder.

She throws it with so much force, both the vase and her picture frames break. She sees the pieces scatter into tiny pieces on her floor. She leans closer to assess the damage. It wasn’t enough.

She goes back to her kitchen cabinets. She opens it one by one to take the plates out.

She throws another one on the photo wall, it hit the picture she had with her mother.

_You fucked me up. You did this to me._

She sees the bottle on the dashboard next to the discard plates. It was a gift from her mom, it had a letter inside. It tells her about the dreams she had when she was pregnant with Nayeon. Except nothing of the sort ever happened and only left her with nightmares. She was left with boulders on her shoulders. Too heavy to lift and too big to just step over. Something she can’t runaway from.

She finds herself having difficulty breathing again. She takes the bottle and looks at the paper inside. She tilts it upside down so that she’s holding it by the bottle neck.

She slams it on the wall. The bottle breaks in two. She grips the other half tightly.

She was so tired. She has always been tired. When had it ever gotten easier? Whose fault was it? Why is the world so fucking putrid? Why can’t she take a break?

_I don’t know._

_I don’t know._

_I don’t know._

She doesn’t know. It hurts to know. It hurts to think. She just wants to act.

_Why won’t it stop?_

She was concentrating on the broken bottle when she felt two arms pull her shoulders back. She fights it and pushes the body back with her free arm. She feels the person stumble back but she lets it anyway. She looks at the bottle again, with its sharp edges facing her. It should be so easy, to end everything right here. To let the confusion, go. To end the pain. It was all so easy.

She sees a hand engulf hers which was holding the bottle. She was trying to fight her off but the other person was stronger, she felt a hand on her chin, met with a pair of concerned eyes. It was black but with the light shining through, it looked like honey. She was mouthing something.

“I can’t hear you.” She doesn’t hear her voice. She doesn’t know if she heard her. She feels the panic rise again. The anger consuming her. The high frequency sound is back. She pushes her off and the girl falls down. She stands tall in front of her. She scans the frail girl in front of her. She looked small. Powerless like Nayeon. 

The girl stands up again. She wraps herself around Nayeon with both arms. Her face resting on Nayeon’s shoulder. Nayeon tries to push her off again but the girl doesn’t let go. No matter how much she pushed her, she just wouldn’t let her go.

“-yeon”

It was a faint sound but it was enough for the panic to get washed away. The girl started to rub her back. It gave her comfort. But everything still hurt.

“It’s okay. Breathe with me.” She was taller and felt like she was stronger too. But the hug was good. She felt protected. She felt safe. Her chest has loosened up, allowing herself to breathe.

Her knees buckled and they both fall immediately on the ground.

But the girl never lets go. The arms around her neck were still there. She doesn’t feel any pain, at least physically. She wonders if the girl was okay too. She fell on her knees but her thick jeans gave her some padding.

She hears her breath even out. They are breathing in sync. She tries to focus.

She looks at her knees then glances at the other. The other girl was only wearing a pair of leggings. She has her legs on one side, sitting on top of the broken glass. Parts of her bottoms were ripped out. She was bleeding.

Then it struck her. _This is the girl she borrows from time to time._

“Dahyun.” Her voice was hoarse, but it seemed more normal than what she’s imagined. She looks further downwards.

“You’re bleeding” She tries to push her off gently to inspect the wound quickly forming.

Dahyun releases her neck and cups her face. She stops moving. Staring at black irises hardened by concentration looking straight at her own.

“Don’t worry about me. Are you feeling better?” 

Nayeon just nods.

Dahyun’s hands reached out for Nayeon’s. Rubbing them together.

“Let’s get you to bed then I’ll go clean this up. Okay?”

“But you have to leave right?”

“I’m not going anywhere” Dahyun says with finality. She stood up and motions Nayeon to take her hand for support.

“Why aren’t you leaving?”

“It doesn’t matter”

“It does to me”

Dahyun crouches to Nayeon’s eye level and softly pressed both of their foreheads together, her hands on the back of Nayeon’s head. She was looking down. The smell of vanilla filled Nayeon’s lungs. Her thoughts occupied with the same person who’s physically occupying the same confined space. 

Her lashes are pretty.

Dahyun looks up.

“I want you to live. I want you to be okay. I need to see you okay. I have no idea what you’re going through but I can be here for you. If you’d let me”

_Will I really be okay? Can it be true?_

“So” She let’s go of Nayeon’s head and reaches down to her arms. As if keeping her in place, as if she’s going to fall apart at any moment. Who exactly? She’s not sure anymore.

“Will you let me stay?”

_For how long?_

Nayeon tries to shake the thoughts away. Those were for another time. 

She just nods again.

This time she lets herself be supported to her own room. She sits up on the bed and lets Dahyun take off her coat and to inspect her carefully for remnant glass shards. Nayeon can still see her fresh wound. She was okay, Dahyun wasn’t but she’s too tired to think of anything else. She gently laid down on the bed, the pillows propped by Dahyun ready to embrace her. Not a minute later, she felt the blanket covers.

She felt the bed shift. An arm draped around her waist. The scent of vanilla filled her lungs once again. She felt the hug tighten. An arm rubbing her back. And then a song.

_i wish that i could turn back time,_

_'Cause now the guilt is all mine._

_Can't live without the trust from those you love._

_I know we can't forget the past,_

_You can't forget love and pride._

_Because of that, it's killing me inside._

_It all returns to nothing,_

_It all comes tumbling down, tumbling down, tumbling down._

Her pulse slowly steadies to its normal rate. She feels the anger dissipating. It was so soothing. Dahyun’s voice brings her so much comfort. She reaches out for the arms that’s currently hugging her waist and gave them a gentle squeeze.

Then she begins to cry.

Dahyun never stops singing. Her voice resonating in the whole apartment. She never stops making Nayeon feel warm. Never stops hugging her. Never stops comforting her.

That was the first time Dahyun ever stayed overnight.

* * *

Nayeon wakes up disoriented. Having no idea what time it was. Her apartment curtains were never open, it was to keep the light away but really she just hates the view of her apartment, a reminder of how alone she truly was. A wave of nausea hit her when she suddenly sat up, remembering an earlier episode.

_Dahyun was here._

She feels a tug on her sleeve and quickly turns her body around to see a freshly woken up Dahyun rubbing her eyes. She was adorable with her iconic bun and puffy face. She can’t help but pinch her cheeks.

Dahyun smiles at her and says lazily “Hello, stalker”

“Says you who’s inside my apartment”

“Are you sure this isn’t a kidnapping? You have to get your lawyers ready”

She scoffed at that. “May I remind you that you practically begged to stay over?”

Nayeon thinks Dahyun should be irritated by now but instead her eyes shone a different kind of kindness. The girl sat up and leaned sideways to Nayeon. Arms hugging her shoulders. Her head set on her nape. It tickles. In a soft and soothing voice she reassures her.

“Okay. I guess you’re right. You win this round” 

Nayeon removed herself from the embrace and put on her exaggerated surprised face “But you never let me win. Are you developing a soft spot for me?”

She fully expected Dahyun to retort back but she just smiles instead.

“I’ll make you breakfast. What do you like?”

The sudden question disarms her and she wanted to say some cheesy innuendo just to tease but when Dahyun gives her an innocent look. Her heart gives way immediately.

“I don’t think we have much options. I think I only have sausages and eggs inside the fridge” She tries to hide her embarrassment when Dahyun looks at her all concerned. Of course she can afford it but her health was never a priority. Work comes first, at least that’s how it was before Dahyun came in.

Dahyun shifts from concern to determination as she gets up and heads to the door.

“It’s alright. That’s enough for the two of us anyway”

Her heart swells at the consideration and Nayeon wonders how Dahyun does it. This kindness that was so innate to Dahyun, which could be so foreign to Nayeon at times, but as simple as breathing for the other. The way she would help out her juniors with tasks, although repetitive, her patience would never run out. Of how she would always knock on Nayeon’s office before she comes in because she knows how private she is with her space. How she would always go out of her way, even before and until now, for people who probably would never help her out in the same degree.

As she did for Nayeon. Now she has betrayed her kindness and repaid it with something vile. Because that’s how Nayeon is. How she always was. Except unlike _certain people_ , she wasn’t going to hurt Dahyun, not deliberately as she had with some names she had already forgotten. It was a promise made by someone else but she has always been ready to fulfill, craving even.

Dahyun probably noticed how Nayeon turned quiet and void of any response. The girl looks at her in puzzlement as she asks, “Are you okay?”

Nayeon reaches out for her then, both arms wrapped around the younger girl’s waist, her face planted in front of a soft woven sweater.

“I’ll help you” she says in a muffled voice.

“What?”

She looks up to see Dahyun with a smile on her face.

“I’ll help you cook. Let’s do it together”

Dahyun laughs and pulls her up. She holds her hand it leads her out through the door. “You’re goofy”

It was only when they were out of the room that Nayeon realizes with a quick glance from her window that it was dark out. It wasn’t dawn with how dark the sky was still. That thought was solidified with a digital clock placed on one of her kitchen counters which read- in bold red numbers, **2:45 AM.**

“Hey, it’s still too early” she announces as Dahyun let go of her hand and opened the fridge, gawking inside. She doesn’t hear any reply back.

She comes closer to gives her a backhug. “Hey. It’s still too early. Let’s go back to bed”

Dahyun stills in her arms. She closes the fridge door and turns around to face Nayeon. She looks a tad bit nervous.

“I know I said I’ll stay over but- “ _Here she goes._

“I forgot I had to do something extremely important this morning.” She looks down and shifts her weight on her right leg. It should have been easy, with in-betweens, there wasn’t any reason to ask for permission. She could just go but Dahyun was looking at her as if she was a glass waiting to break. She was full of worry, for her. It reminds her once again, how evil she was, because in Dahyun’s obvious inner turmoil, she was happy that it was her, Im Nayeon, who Dahyun worried about.

“And I don’t know. If you need me to stay- “, Nayeon silences her with a kiss.

“You _did_ stay over. Done more than you should. Of course, you can go. Don’t worry about me. I’ll be fine” Dahyun looks at her as if to contest. She gives her another kiss on the shoulder as assurance then turned her around to face the fridge once again.

“Now get to work. I’m hungry!” She said with a pat on her bum.

“I’m on it. Good thing there isn’t much too choose from so we wouldn’t have to think about the menu” The pale girl chuckles and they begin the battle in the kitchen.

Nayeon wasn’t much of help as she thought would be. She was tasked to cook the eggs into a sunny side up but for some reason, the egg yolk always broke. She says that they were probably bad eggs but Dahyun was able to cook a perfect one a minute later.

“Maybe you can try doing this. It’s easy” Dahyun hands over a knife and a pack of sausages. For some reason, she fucked that up too. Instead of adding any more kitchen disasters, she let her be and watched from the kitchen table.

_She must have been doing this a lot._

When Dahyun was finally done, she laid all the food on the table, sitting on the chair opposite of Nayeon. Even if it was just a simple breakfast, it smelled heavenly. Dahyun would take the sad eggs Nayeon cooked and would give her the perfect ones. She would always give her the best of each sausage too and would pour her water even if it’s obvious that Nayeon has two functioning hands.

She smiles at the sight as her heart is filled up again with an emotion she can’t name yet.

_Oh how good would it be to always have Dahyun on her side_

“Why are you not eating?”

“You’re too pretty” She absolutely adores it when she sees a tint of red spread on her cheeks.

“Stop that and go eat” Dahyun says, she feigns annoyance with a smile still plastered on her face.

They finally start eating and Nayeon makes a it a point to compliment Dahyun’s cooking. Of course the younger would shrug it off saying it was a simple meal, but she doesn’t have to know that the last time someone cooked for Nayeon was when she was 8.

The meal is so delicious and if she hasn’t cried enough to fill a percentage of the pacific ocean in front of this woman, she might have even cried again.

“So you’ve been to Hawaii?” A question broke her train of thought.

“Yes. Why?”

“I saw that magnet on your freezer. How was it?”

“Well, I couldn’t really look around because it was for business. But for the parts I’ve seen, especially the beach. It was really pretty?”

“But wait, you’ve been there many times, why are you asking?”

“Oh. No, I actually haven’t had the chance to”

Nayeon frowns in confusion. “I’m pretty sure I heard Gahyeon said every year you’d file a long week vacation to go there”

Dahyun plays with her sweater and clears her throat before shaking her head. “The plans always fell through, but I see that you’ve been keeping tabs on me” She makes an exaggerated smile.

It tugged on her heart. “But you still want to?”

“I’ve always wanted to”

In the rush of the moment, Nayeon blurts out something she’s been thinking about these past weeks. She doesn’t think of the repercussion, what her friends might say.

“My best friend’s going to get married next month.” She angles her spoon and fork to a 5PM position. “It’s in Hawaii. Would you like to go with me?”

Dahyun squirms in her seat. “I can’t be away for too long”

“Let’s just stay there for the wedding. Get a flight at midnight, show up for the wedding then take a flight back. What do you say?”

“Wouldn’t that be too tiring for you?”

She leans forward with a smirk on her face “Now why would I be tired”

Dahyun laughs and pinches her cheeks. “You’re insufferable”

“Okay. I’ll go” She agrees with the biggest smile on her face. She likes it, making her smile. If she was to get fired tomorrow, she can work somewhere else and make her happy. This wouldn’t be so bad, not at all.

Nayeon moves her right and rests it on the table half way. Dahyun puts her fork down and reaches for hers, intertwining their fingers across the table. The knot in her stomach tightens as the cage of the butterflies burst open and it’s already too late when Nayeon realizes that they’re too high for her to catch but then again, she shouldn’t have picked the lock. 

* * *

Once they were done eating, Nayeon sighs and leans back on her chair. Another thought comes to mind and she mulls it over. Maybe it wouldn’t be so bad, to have someone in her life who she can share things with, even if they will inevitably leave anyway. The secret would never leave as she’s a secret herself.

“I hate my Dad”

Dahyun turns to look at her. “Even when he’s dead?”

“I just said that. He’s not really dead but if he was, I don’t know if I would mind”

She looks down, afraid to meet Dahyun’s eyes as she ultimately proceeds.

“He’s a –“ Pause.

“-cheater, well my mom is too. He cheated on his first wife with my mom and then cheated on her too, to marry his second wife. He left us both without a second glance”

“He was never home. The first time he was, I remember being so excited when my mom texted me. I didn’t even wait for the bus, I ran all the way from home because it felt like Santa coming for Christmas. Except this guy didn’t come once a year, he only ever went once. When I was almost home, I remember hearing a lot of shouting, but I went anyway because none of that mattered to me. I wanted my present, which was my Dad”

She leans back because talking about this, tolls on both her body and mind.

“I went inside through the front door. I saw his tall frame, his broad shoulders, a prominent nose and his hair parted in the middle. He looked nothing like me but I memorized it all. He looked straight at me when he heard the door close, and do you know what the first words he ever said to me?”

She closes her fist and lifts her face to meet Dahyun’s eyes.

“He asked me who I was Dahyun! I’ve waited for 6 fucking years for my dad who didn’t even bother to get to know me or look me up.”

“My mom answered that question because I was too shocked to speak. After that, he started to walk in my direction and suddenly stopped in front of me. I thought he was going to lift me or hug me because that’s what you’re supposed to do right? But then he dropped a suitcase in front of me and told me that I’m set for the rest of my life, that I shouldn’t bother looking from him because he’s busy anyway and then just like that – he was gone” She stops to swallow a sob, “After he left, I opened the suitcase right away with my mom’s help. I was hoping for a bunny, or candy or my favorite things but turns out it was just full of cash. And that day I realized, I- I was paid for”

“That was also the day that I made sure to get back on him. That I would find him and show him how great I would be. How far I’d go. I was nothing – my last name meant nothing but because I worked my ass off, I was able to get to this point. There was so much pain on that journey but I swallowed that pain wholly because I wanted to see the look in his eyes when I give him back his money, when I show him what he left. That maybe if he’d given me a chance, we could have-“

She chokes on her words and Dahyun runs to her side, wiping something wet from her cheeks. She didn’t notice when she started crying. 

“He could have learned how to love me. That I deserved it too”

All the walls broke down and she let her tears flow freely. Dahyun knelt and embraced Nayeon’s crying figure. She wrapped her in an embrace, unwilling to let go. 

“I have to be the best Dahyun. I can’t be anything less because I have to reach him but it seems like no matter how far I go, he’s always thousands of miles ahead of me and I’m just so tired. I’m so tired fighting for this cause, for doing so much. For always having to be best. But I’m scared-, scared that if I stop now. All for it was nothing. So what is my life even for?”

Dahyun immediately pulls back and lifts Nayeon’s face. She wipes the tears from her eyes and holds her by her cheeks, staring into her eyes.

“Nayeon” she says suddenly out of breath.

“I’m sorry if I’m saying this about your dad so tell me if I’m stepping out of line but he doesn’t deserve you.”

“He doesn’t deserve someone who walked on eggshells all her life to prove herself to someone who doesn’t even bothered to care. Nayeon, live for yourself.”

“All of these things, the awards, the accolades, the name, it’s not the only that makes you, _you._ If it makes _you_ happy then go ahead, but if not’s for you. You’re just letting him win by giving him the satisfaction of letting him hold you down”

Dahyun reached out for the hands on her lap.

“I know you doubt yourself, your greatness. And I’m not the best person fit for the criteria in saying this but Nayeon, you have to realize the goodness in you and only after that, you decide again”

“You” _a kiss on her forehead._

“are” _a kiss on her left eye._

“so” _a kiss on her right cheek._

“good” _a kiss on her lips._

Nayeon doesn’t understand what she means because she never pondered about it. Never thought about the idea that she can actually be what Dahyun says she was. _Is she really?_

But the drumming in her chest only proved enough, there was no mistake that it led to the same path. The path of walking home to someone who didn’t want her.

Yet all of those meant nothing if it means that she can live in a reality, where Dahyun was hers and where her mind was filled with thoughts like , **_this was the first time Dahyun initiated a kiss_**. The casualties didn’t matter, not before, not now.

Dahyun pulls back with an unreadable expression on her face.

“I’m a hypocrite, aren’t I?” Dahyun holds her face gently. “When you realize that, or even if you get a hint of doubt of what we’re doing. You should- “

Dahyun sighs and bit her lower lip.

“I just. You deserve to be happy and you know, in your heart of hearts, I will never be able to make you truly happy”

_Don’t draw a line just yet._

“You may be right with a lot of things but not with this one.” She cups Dahyun’s face and kisses her lips. Dahyun was soft in every essence of the word. She pulls back a a few inches and hovers on her lips.

“I’m already happy. Truly. With you”

She looks sideways and stares at Dahyun. She has studied a lot of Dahyun’s expressions, it was annoyance at first, but then it became a routine, to stare at her desk and watch her speak while her face uncover various expressions. Now it was endearing. But when Dahyun shows her an expression she doesn’t know, it scares her. It shouldn’t by now because her relationship with her is the book definition of unknown, yet it still does. Every time.

The silence was cut by a phone call. Dahyun stands up immediately and goes through her purse. She picks up her phone and by how she returns it, the call was declined.

She looks back to Nayeon and softly she says, “I have to go. Are you sure you’re going to be fine?”

Nayeon walks up to the younger and hugs her, resting her chin on an empty shoulder. “I’ll be fine. Stop worrying. You should go”

Dahyun hugs back. After half an hour, she was gone and Nayeon was alone again. 

* * *

There were a lot of things Nayeon had to navigate through ever since she started seeing Dahyun. That meant: no texting her first, they can’t be seen too much together outside of office hours, she can’t walk her home, no public displays of affection and a lot more. These things weren’t written in quill, it was just how it always was. Nayeon felt like she had to, for her sake. Isn’t it part of it all? _Hiding?_

She receives a text from her phone so fished it out of her pocket and smiles when she sees who it’s from.

**[IB #2 <3]**

I’m at the boarding gate 😊

**[IB #1]**

You’re too slow

**[IB #2 <3]**

Not my fault, this airport is TOO BIG 😤

**[IB #1]**

Whatever you say 😜

**[IB #2 <3]**

I was going to be nice to you but I guess…I’ll go back

Nayeon tries to hold back a laugh.

**[IB #1]**

What no! I got you milk and chocolate as offering!!!!!

**[IB #2 <3]**

that’s better 😎

**[IB #2 <3]**

Look out from your window

She does as she’s told and sees Dahyun wearing pants and a hoodie, waving excitedly. She can’t help the blush she feels on her cheeks. She sees an attendant approaching Dahyun on the corner of her eye, so she gave her hints and kept pointing, but Dahyun just kept hovering a hand over ear and mouthing the words _“I can’t hear you”_

The attendant finally reached Dahyun and the younger did a bow as if apologizing. 5 minutes later Dahyun was walking through her aisle with a big smile on her face.

“I’m so embarrassed, I don’t think I’ll take flights from them again” Nayeon says as she helps the younger settle on the seat beside her.

**“** I have to remind you that you were the one who invited me. Besides that was a surprise! Didn’t you like it?” Dahyun wriggled her eyebrows.

She laughs as she takes the younger’s bag and stores in the overhead bin. “Be thankful you’re cute or else I would have given you the window seat”

Dahyun showed an appalled look on her face. “You would never!”

Nayeon steals a kiss on her cheek, one arm supporting her weight as she goes back to her seat. “Now we’re even”

“That’s unfair, I was nice” Dahyun starts a pout.

“You were, it was sweet. Thank you. Chocolate milk?”

“Yes. This is so exciting!” She reached out for her handbag and shyly looks at Nayeon.

“I actually packed something. I couldn’t make it at home, so I bought it from a convenience store and designed it. Is it cheating?”

Dahyun hands over the box and when Nayeon opens it, there’s sushi, rice balls and different fruits inside. She can’t help but smile when she sees that the rice balls were shaped as small bunnies.

“Is this supposed to be me?”

“Yeah. Who else?”

“This is the best gift I’ve ever gotten. Thank you”

“You’re welcome” Dahyun responds with her eyes in crescents.

Then they started to eat as the plane took off. They exchanged stories, laughed some more, watched some action movies. They rewatched The Veteran because it was Dahyun’s favorite. Midway through the flight, Nayeon saw how Dahyun’s head were starting to bob up and down. She gently pulled on the younger’s head so she can rest on her shoulder.

“You’ll get tired” Dahyun’s sleepy voice was softer than her usual one.

Nayeon doesn’t answer and just lets her lay there until she feels her even breathing indicating she younger was asleep.

This is one of the things Nayeon vowed she would never do. Go on a trip with her. Be unnecessarily nice. Keep her boundaries. Keep her feelings in check. But all of those were thrown out the window. Because it was Dahyun and she just can’t help herself.

_Who else? Who else? Who else._

It kept repeating over and over again.

She used to get annoyed during long flights but now she can’t stop hoping that they won’t land too soon. She looks at Dahyun’s hands resting on her lap, the ring on her finger gone, but the uneven skin color remains obvious, the pattern still visibly traced like a ghost. She closes her eyes and tries to get some sleep.

* * *

They came a bit earlier than they thought. Most of the guests were already in the vicinity, loitering around the garden with their pets. The seats were painted white, flowers hugging each one and lights covered the whole aisle. Nayeon smiles at the scene, Tzuyu changed a lot of things in Jihyo. 

She’s tried to get a hold of Jihyo but with the number of guests in the party, it wasn’t a surprise. Jihyo did decide that it’s for the best that she shouldn’t see her two best friends _before_ the wedding or she’ll have red puffy eyes. Same reason why neither of them were part of the entourage, a pact they have agreed on. The photographer was expensive, so looking ugly was not option. 

“Nayeon!” She turned her head to figure out who’s voice it was coming from when she saw Jeongyeon making way through the crowd.

“Hey, Why are yo-“ Jeongyeon cuts her off and hands over a flower crown.

“Here”

“What the heck is this?” Examining the crown in her hands.

“Shut up. Tzuyu wants it. She might hear you”

“This is so, unlike her. She’s in too deep, we’ve lost her” She makes a disgusted face but puts it on her head anyway. She looks behind her. “Where’s Mina?”

“Well, hello and how are you too. She had a last minute meeting to attend. But she’ll be here later”

“Must be nice having a CEO as a girlfriend. Not working a day in your life. What a catch Yoo Jeongyeon” 

“The fuck? I have a job. A stable one at a prestigious company where -”

Nayeon doesn’t let her finish her sentence and waves her off. “Watch your language, the pets can hear you”

“I guess the rumors are true, the devil incarnate is back” Jeongyeon tries to annoy her as she smiles widely. Nayeon was up for another banter when she saw how the other’s eyes shift past through her and waves to the figure behind her.

“Hey Dahyun! What are you doing here?”

Nayeon’s body tensed.

“Hey Jeongyeon. I’m her plus one.” Pointing at Nayeon. “Didn’t she tell you?”

Jeongyeon features settle into a calm. They’ve been through this routine a dozen of times. A silent agreement in their friendship, they always have each other’s back.

“Oh yeah. I forgot. How are you doing?” Jeongyeon smiles and they make small talk as they go to their seats. Nayeon was a silent observer the whole time as she feels how Jeongyeon’s eyes would suddenly bore at her but she did not dare look.

Once they get to their row, they let the pale girl first, with Jeongyeon staying behind with Nayeon and mouthing what she can make out to be _“what the fuck? What the actual fuck?”_

She looks at her as if to say _“not now”_ and makes her way to the seat beside Dahyun. Good thing the bells start to ring as the ceremony starts. A few dozen people walked down the aisle, most of them she barely knew, then it was finally Tzuyu’s turn. There were doves flown when she entered and walked The guests could only gasp in awe as they internalize her beauty, she truly deserves the title of being the most beautiful woman in the world.

The couple made their vows, tears were shed and it surprised her when Dahyun cried too, carefully drying her eyes to not ruin her light makeup, she could hear Jeongyeon snickering at her other side.

Before they knew it, the ceremony was over and it was already time for the after party, the only activity that she asked both of them to participate. Nayeon was reaching for her purse to get her speech, only to panic when there’s nothing there. Jeongyeon’s turn was up and she stood up beside her as she trembles. How could she forget? She unpacks everything on her purse but there was nothing there.

Dahyun touches her arm. “What’s wrong?”

“I left my-, my speech. Fuck”

“What are you so worried about?”

“What? I said I lost my-“

Dahyun smiles. “I heard you. But what are you nervous for? You’ve known her all your life. Do you really need a paper to tell you everything you have to say?”

Nayeon thinks it over. Maybe she does remember some of it.

“And her other best friend, when really Jihyo, I was already enough right?” She heard Jeongyeon say. The crowd laughed.

Nayeon glances up to Dahyun and stands up without a hint of nervousness. She has mastered faux confidence and smiles brightly while she delivers her speech. 

“I think I knew Tzuyu was the _one_ even before Jihyo realized that she was. I won’t go into complete detail, but let’s just say, when someone waits for you every company dinner just to take your smashed face home, that’s already a telltale sign. My friend, is not an alcoholic by the way” A giggle erupted from the guests. “Tzuyu, I have never seen Jihyo smile as much as she did when she was with you. Bet you didn’t think you’d get a 3 in 1 deal when you dated her. I’m thankful that she has someone like you, who’d love her, with and without the titles. You’re my friend as much as she is mine. Thank you for loving her”

“And Jihyo, you already know everything I want to say but I’ll say it anyway”

She gulps.

“You’re important to me and I want you to be happy. You deserve to be happy. I know there were a lot of rough times and they may never really go away. Yet you’ve outdone yourself and went farther than I could have ever gone. You’ve always been someone I’ve looked up to, even though you’re younger than me and I have never really said that out loud but you get wedding passes” She winks at the recipient.

“Thank you Jihyo. Thank you for being happy. It gives me hope” She smiled as much as she could to hopefully convey her sincerity. Jihyo smiles at her in the same intensity.

The guests clapped as she sat down. Nayeon was just thankful she didn’t embarrass herself or made any rude remarks. She gets a few fruits from the center table to calm her nerves when she heard Tzuyu speak.

“I know a lot of my family isn’t here right now but there’s someone here in this room that I’ve treated as much. I hope she can say something for me too, can you?”

She addresses to no one in the crowd and everyone quiets down, waiting for someone to speak. A few heads turn from left to right trying to get a glimpse of the speaker but there doesn’t seem to be no one. She sees Tzuyu smile, albeit sadly as she held the mic to her lips again, about to speak. When the chair beside Nayeon moved.

She looks to her left. Baffled as to why Dahyun was standing. She looks to Jihyo and it seems she’s shocked as she was.

Dahyun tests the mic and lifts it to her lips. “Tzuyu-ah, you were talking about me right? Please say yes, or I’ll be embarrassed”

Tzuyu smiles and nods. She must have had a stricken expression on her face because Jeongyeon whispers in her ear to calm down. “You can ask her later”

Nayeon pushes down the feelings to the pit of her stomach and clears out her mind to listen in.

“I’ve only known one of you so I’d like to say something first to the one I haven’t even really met. Jihyo, I hope you take care of her and love her because as much as you, as much as anyone here probably, she deserves the same love we give, if not more. And with you, she could give to no end. I hope you realize that”

She sees Jihyo nod politely. It makes Nayeon wonder if it irks Jihyo to be told something about the person she loved from a person who never even met her in person. Dahyun inhales a bit of air, unknown to anyone but not Nayeon, she’s already attuned to her breathing. She was contemplating if she had to say what was next. Before she could bet which one it was, the pale girl continues.

“Tzuyu. You are wise beyond your years and that’s why I value your judgement greatly and would never question your decisions. You love her, she loves you. I’ll welcome her with open arms. You’ve found a love which competes with those of your profound love for animals. That’s incomparable”

“Remember what I told you the first day I met you as a trainee? _Wo Ai Ni._ I still do, very much. Wo Ai Ni Tzuyu. I haven’t been a great example as an Unnie” Nayeon sees her clench her fist. “But I’m glad you made better choices. Thank you Tzuyu-ah for being happy. I’m grateful. I’m happy for you” With that Dahyun sits down and Nayeon sees how Tzuyu tear up a little and Jihyo comforting her by rubbing her arms. 

Dahyun doesn’t glance her way during the rest of the evening and only does when Tzuyu comes up to their table and asks her if they could go to the beach. She takes Tzuyu’s hand and looks at Nayeon.

“See you later” She smiles as if nothing happened and Nayeon hates how easily she smiles back. All the confusion from earlier long gone. It must be the _Dahyun effect._ Her eyes follow them to the beach.

She doesn’t realize that she was still smiling until Jeongyeon points it out. “What’s so funny?”

“Nothing” She hears the other hum.

“So, is it finally time to ask? Why do you have her as your plus one?” Jeongyeon asks as she hands her a beer mug.

“She wanted to go to Hawaii so I brought her”

Jeongyeon stares at her with worry in her eyes “Nayeon. I told you to be careful.”

“I am”

“Seeing her after hours, bringing her to Hawaii because she wanted to? To your best friend’s wedding even! Your bases aren’t really covered. So I’m asking again, is she the reason why you don’t seem as stressed out lately? Why you keep bailing our Wednesday nights?” Jeongyeon started raising her voice and it definitely isn’t the first time, but it still surprised her. She would know anyway, there’s no point of lying anymore. So she confesses.

“Yes, it is Jeong and I know I shouldn’t. I know. I’m smart enough. I should have avoided this miles away but I just, I can’t seem to make rational decisions when it’s about her”

“But she’s –”

“Please don’t remind me” Nayeon tells her softly. She doesn’t ask how Jeongyeon knew, she’s not sure if she wanted to know anyway.

Jeongyeon props her elbows on the table and started to massage her temples. She looks up again “What does she make you feel?”

“Are you seriously asking me that?”

“I have to asses the situation. Go. Tell me”

Seeing the worry in her eyes, she has to appease her somehow by telling the truth.

“I can sleep now”

Jeongyeon lifts her head, her mouth agape. “No nightmares?”

“None,” Nayeon gulps. “I don’t feel heavy when I wake up either. I don’t feel like _you-know-what_. For the first time in years, I think I can finally breathe without consequences”

Jeongyeon stares at her in shock. “But you’ve been to a lot of therapists, don’t you think they helped you with that? maybe the timeline is just coinciding, maybe she helped out a little, but she can’t be—”

“Jeong. I know myself. I know it’s real.” She explains further. “Do you remember the after party? That day after you got together with Mina and also the day of Jihyo’s first anniversary with Tzuyu?”

Jeongyeon nods.

“Do you remember how you both didn’t stop talking about them? Telling me about the kind of love you had. I might have nodded for the most part but I didn’t understand any of what the both of you were saying. It could have been bullshit for all I know but I couldn’t understand what I didn’t have a concept of. I’ve been with people, but not like this. Not like what I have with her.” She takes a sip and continues, “Jeong, when I’m with her. I finally know what it feels like. I don’t know how to explain it. But this time, I understand. I do. I feel like I don’t have to try so hard living. To get back at people who hurt me. I feel content, and that’s a lot to say for a person like me”

Jeongyeon eyes her for a few seconds before throwing her head back.

“She’s going to break you Nayeon” she sees how the other fights to hold back her tears. “and I don’t know if we can repair you this time”

“I don’t think I’ll break as much as this time”

She returns her gaze to Nayeon. Her tears had dried up. “You better not.” Nayeon smiles. Jeongyeon hasn’t accepted the predicament but she’s all for whatever makes Nayeon happy. 

“What are your plans with her?”

“I don’t know yet.”

“That’s so unlike you”

“None of this is but I’m here anyway” She lifts the mug to her lips and takes another sip. “Don’t tell Jihyo, at least not yet”

“What’s not to tell?” Jihyo suddenly appears on their table which makes them jump. Following behind her is Mina.

Jeongyeon ignores the question and reaches out to Mina. The latter kisses her cheek and wraps her arms around Jeongyeon’s neck. “Hi Babe” Jeongyeon takes her purse and pulls her a seat. Mina looks up, “Hey Nayeon”

Nayeon says hi back and successfully averts the question by asking how Mina was, her flight and how her company doing. Thankfully Jihyo lets it go easily this time. Maybe she should get married more often to appease her nerves.

Jeongyeon initiated another toast.

“Congratulations to our friend who managed to bag the most beautiful woman even with her alcoholic tendencies” They all lift up their glasses except Jihyo who was refusing with her cheeks puffed.

“Take that last part back!”

They all take the toast anyway and Nayeon never felt so at peace. Surrounded with her friends, Dahyun on the beach in her sundress playing with her best friend’s, _wife_. She doesn’t know how she feels about it yet.

“My wife’s really pretty isn’t she” They all face the beach, to the two playing with the edges of the ocean. It seems that the both of them felt that they were being gawked at so they turned their heads to where they were. Dahyun waved to them and Nayeon instinctively waved back. “She is”

Nayeon realized it a little too late, maybe she shouldn’t have accepted the drinks Jeongyeon served her or she must have forgotten how receptive Jihyo was despite the number of drinks the younger had already downed this one night. Regardless, the peace was short-lived. Before she could even think of a response, Jihyo had already pulled her shoulder to face her. Despite sitting down, Jihyo felt so tall, Nayeon wanted to hide. She wasn’t ready for the questions yet.

“You like her?” Silence. “Fuck. You’re seeing her?” Another silence. Nayeon could only stare. “Jesus Christ Nayeon. Why? You could have had anyone you want. Picked a catalogue-“ Jeongyeon held Jihyo’s arms and pried her off from Nayeon. Using both of her arms to separate them.

“Jihyo. Relax. She’ll explain all of it later. Don’t do this now”

“Are you seriously defending her? You know it’s wrong. You know you do” Jihyo spat out the words as she was pointing on Jeongyeon’s chest.

“We’re her friends. We should knock some sense into her not tolerate her”

“Shit Jihyo. They’re coming. Just. We’ll talk about this later. I promise” Nayeon pleaded as she saw both Dahyun and Tzuyu walk back from the shore. This seems to appease Jihyo as she returned to her seat.

Both of the girls finally reach the table, oblivious to the tension in the air. Nayeon started to stand up to take Dahyun back to the hotel when Jihyo spoke with a poison laced voice. 

“So, Dahyun? I believe this is the first time we’ve met but I appreciate your opinion in how I should treat Tzuyu” Nayeon silently prays that Jihyo settles her calm.

Dahyun seemed flustered before she stammers out, “Oh. It might have come off that way. I’m sorry if it rubbed you off the wrong way. I didn’t mean-“

“Honey” Tzuyu looks sternly at Jihyo to behave herself but Jihyo had always been a fighter, an upright citizen who cements her moral ground. It always kept Nayeon from planning murders in her head and she was thankful for that but now is not the time.

Jihyo smiles and for a moment, it seemed like whatever Tzuyu did worked. “Oh no. It was fine. I’d like to get to know you better. So tell me something about yourself,” She takes a sip of her beer and looks straight at Dahyun.

“Starter questions like, why are you cheating with your girlfriend to sleep with my best friend? I’d love to hear the explanation” Nayeon felt the air pulled out of her lungs. She should have known that the deities would never hear her prayers. She can’t even look at Dahyun.

“Jihyo!” Tzuyu was the one to speak up.

“Ask your friend if it’s true”

Tzuyu does right away because she probably knows it wasn’t true, that it must be some kind of misunderstanding. When she does, Dahyun doesn’t confirm nor deny, only smiles back, the one that doesn’t fully reach her eyes. Then Tzuyu started crying and it shocked all of them to silence.

Dahyun took Tzuyu’s head and placed it on her shoulders. Softly rubbing her back. “I’m sorry Tzuyu-ah. I told you,” She chokes, “I haven’t been good. I’m sorry” Then Mina started to cry as well which flustered all of them. Jihyo remained seated with an unreadable expression on her face, the realization that she made a mistake without knowing what exactly it was. Nayeon mustered all her courage to stand up.

“Dahyun, let’s go”

Dahyun slowly unwrapped herself from Tzuyu but not before wiping the younger’s tears. She kissed her forehead and stood up. She also gave Mina’s shoulder a light squeeze.

She didn’t look back as she held Dahyun by her wrist. She heard Jihyo calling out for her but she was to angry to talk. Not for her. She was angry for what her friends did to Dahyun because she doesn’t deserve it. She was cornered without being given a chance to properly explain. Then she gets even angrier with the thought. Because what is there to explain? There was no mistake in what they did, she knows. But she can’t help but feel wronged.

They get back to their hotel room, not a word said. Nayeon wanted to apologize but her words fall short as she lays flat on the bed and closes her eyes. It’s too much for her to take in right now. The pain started to dull and so she let sleep take over her restless mind. 

* * *

Jeongyeon was watching Mina play games on her switch.

“What do you think of a game themed wedding?” she says, not batting an eye. Focused on her console.

“You said ballet last time”

“I know but a girl can change her mind can’t she?”

“Apparently. You can have whatever you want babe” Jeongyeon says as she scoots closer to Mina, feeling her warmth against her skin.

“Do you think they’ll be okay?”

“Who?”

“Jihyo and Tzuyu”

Jeongyeon gave a sigh of relief. Glad it wasn’t who she thought it was. “Of course, they would babe. They just got married, not that it solves everything, but I assure you they’ll be fine. Jihyo might be a tough nut to crack but Tzuyu knows just how to get her way with her” She puts a hand over her mouth. “Oh wait, I don’t mean-“

Mina put down her consoled and smiled. Her adorable gums showing then went closer to give her a peck on the lips.

“You’re so-“

“Amazing? Talented? Hot?”

Mina laughed and Jeongyeon loves how heart still did somersaults. As if in sync, Mina placed her head on her chest.

“Aren’t you mad? for your friend?”

“I should be. Shouldn’t I?” she says as she traced circles on Jeongyeon’s belly.

“But I’ve seen most of it. I don’t want her to get hurt but,” she sits up and looks her in the eye.

“Dahyun’s a different matter. There’s a reason why I avoided her through all these years. I was too embarrassed to see her. To admit that I chose wrong, that I’m still choosing wrong-” She turns her switch off. “-There’s too much history. Even with everything I know, I don’t think I even got half of it. I know you’re looking out for your friend, which you’re entitled to, Nayeon’s my friend too. But you have to know, no one’s looking out for Dahyun. At least the ones that matter anyway”

“What do you-”

Mina cuts her off and turns the lampshade off.

“I can’t tell because I don’t understand” She says in the darkness. “I just wish that all of them end up happy. I know it’s farfetched now but after knowing all of them, they all deserve to be happy without having to pay a price”

“You love all of them” Jeongyeon simply stated.

“I do”

“You have so much love to give”

“And I’m spending my lifetime giving most of it to you” Even with how dark it was, she knows that they both have smiles on their faces. They still found each other’s hands, intertwining their fingers like clockwork. She feels how Mina smiles before she kisses her and her heartbeat grows erratic. She didn’t know that her heart could love this much.

And if this is how Nayeon felt about Dahyun, how could she stop her?

* * *

Nayeon woke up feeling a little bit refreshed, she sat up. Blanket falling down on the floor. The flashbacks of the earlier evening slowly coming back which caused her an headache. She looks around and feels no presence in the room. She gets her phone in the bedside table. There was a sticky note on the screen.

_“I’m at the beach”_

She peels it off and sees the time. **4:30 AM**. There were dozens of messages from Jeongyeon and Jihyo, and some missed calls too. She ignored them and went to the bathroom to wash her face. She took her jacket from the rack, not missing to take Dahyun’s. 

The walk to the beach had been therapeutic. Her mind was calmer and the intensity of how she felt somehow dissipated. She finally sees Dahyun’s figure, she was sat on the sand, hugging her knees, looking afar. Nayeon suddenly feels excitement and runs over, she was about to hug her but ultimately decides against it. She hovers above her and carefully wraps her jacket around her. Dahyun jumps a little at that and swiftly looks behind, only to find Nayeon smiling back at her.

“I’m not cold”

“Use it anyway”

“Did you sleep good?”

“Yes, how about you?” Nayeon rubbed her eyes of sleep.

“I just woke up”

She looks at her then. Nayeon can’t discern if the younger was lying. She finds it odd, how Dahyun is the most upright person she knows outside of her circle yet she was very skilled in lying. Was it her profession?

But then again, she doesn’t know a lot of things about her. Dahyun was an enigma, a contradiction. So she thinks of questions the girl could answer, though she was itching to ask the question she already had in mind. Might as well take the shot, it’s not like it can get any worse.

“Do you miss it? Performing on stage?”

Dahyun kept her quiet so she assumed she doesn’t talk about it.

“I do”

“So why not plan a comeback? You’re still friends with most of them right? The company would welcome the decision too”

“It just doesn’t feel right.”

“But maybe if you’d-“

Dahyun cut her off “The scandal wasn’t true. I wasn’t dating Eunwoo at that time”

Nayeon tried to hide her surprise. When the dating news of Dahyun broke out, the whole industry feasted on the rumor, because when Dahyun’s group had just debuted, she had already built a huge following. Eunwoo was in a much more massive scale having a few years in the industry and had incurred less damage. There were never any photos on them in the media but no one had questioned the confirmation.

Despite the uproar of Dahyun’s fanbase, no one had ever asked her to leave the group or step down so they were all shocked when a week later, the company has issued a statement that Dahyun has decided that it would be best for the group if she left them.

No one has seen her following the months since she left. When everyone had already moved on to recent gossip, she was also forgotten with the passing of time. Then Nayeon met her in a coffee shop, applying to be a talent manager for the same company which left her out and as if she can feel all the bolts turning, she realizes then.

“You did it for _her_. Didn’t you?”

Without looking at her, she responds “Yes, I did. So while I do miss it, I don’t have any regrets. You shouldn’t have any, when you’re in love.”

It tears Nayeon’s heart open but strangely, she feels a bit better. Finally addressing the elephant in the room. She couldn’t think of much more to say so she opts for another option.  
  
“I’m sorry with happened earlier. Jihyo isn’t usually like that”

“You don’t have to apologize when you know she’s right”

As if realizing the gravity of what she said, she spoke quickly.

“I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to be this frank. But just, don’t get mad at her. She’s just looking out for you like what most friends do, it’s a natural reaction. I understand. So I still stand by what I said, she wasn’t wrong”

Dahyun hid her face in between her knees, facing her slightly so Nayeon can only see the upper half of her face. She says the following words in a whisper.

“You should choose what’s best for you Nayeon. Your friends are right, you deserve better”

“How about you?”

“You always ask me that. When you make decisions, don’t think about me. Just do it for yourself”

“But how can I? When it has always been about you?”

“Don’t lie. You’ve lived fair enough for the years before you met me”

“It didn’t mean I was happy or if I had any concept of happiness, it doesn’t compare to this” She wraps her arm around Dahyun and pulls her close.

“I’ll do what I want and what I want is for you to stay. I need you” Nayeon confesses but she refuses to ask.

_Leave her, be with me._

She doesn’t know if she can but all she knows is that she wants to stay like this for now. Everything about Dahyun excites her, she wants to learn everything about her. How she likes her cereals in the morning, how does she like her eggs? Her favorite song. Her parents, she never talked about them. What kind of songs does she like? What’s her favorite dish? Her favorite color. What’s her favorite line from her books? What makes her cry? How can she be so patient? Why does she put up with it?

There’s still a lot of things waiting for them in the future, experiences to be had, stories to tell, embarrassing moments to share. She can’t think of anyone to spend it with, rather than this girl beside her.

She stares at Dahyun’s side profile. Her hair loosely flowing with the wind. She fights the urge to tuck it in behind her ear. There has been this constant ache in her chest as she realizes the depth of her affection. It wasn’t wildfire, abrupt and spread out so easily. It started slowly, with the drums in her chest, the butterflies, the stares, the way she ties her hair in a bun, when she finds it cute how she laughs with her mouth wide open, and how she wants it to stay that way. The natural inclination to be everywhere she was, to know everything there was to know. She might not have a lifetime to spend with her, but she knew damn well she’s going to make the most of what she had.

She gently grabs the other girl’s nape so they see each other face to face. “Dahyun”

Dahyun hums and smiles softly.

“I like you” Nayeon closes the gap while pulling her nape and pressed their foreheads together, before leaning into a kiss. It wasn’t heated nor rushed. She felt an excessive warmth spread all over her body as she takes the younger’s upper lip, then captures her bottom one. She takes her time, memorizing her lips, taking mental notes of how it functions, how she breathes, how she smiles when their teeth collides, because she wants to have this on repeat in her memories as long as she can. 

It was at this beach, where the other girl had dreamt of going, minutes just before sunrise, where Im Nayeon realized that she was truly, utterly, maddeningly done with, because she did what she promised she wouldn’t – fall in love.

_I love you._

* * *

Nayeon arrives at the office on time. There was no need for her to come early because Dahyun was away again for MAMA. She was adamant to remember this time, lest she wanted to make a fool of herself. She waves to the people at the front desk and heads to elevator, she was surprised at how she was able to snatch an empty one at this time, today must be a good day. It would be an excellent day if she wasn’t missing someone special.

She presses the 15th floor when she feels her phone vibrate. She takes it out with one hand and reads the message.

**[LOML <3 IB #2] **

This is so cool!! Look at the kids!!!

_kids.jpeg_

She opens the attachment and sees a group of seven boys practicing on a festive stage. At the bottom right corner of the screen, she can see a fourth of Dahyun’s face, majority of it is her forehead and then one eye.

_I guess she tried to take a selfie with them._

She can’t help but chuckle as she types in a response.

**[IB #1]**

You’re looking good ~~(babe)~~ , I miss u ☹

She waits for the other’s response but the three dots didn’t show up. She figures the younger was busy so she exits the message app and watched it come alive with the silhouette of Dahyun on the beach. Facing forward with the sunrise peeking over the horizon. To anyone it could have been a random image from pinterest, but Nayeon has explored every dip and every curve, she can guess who she was a thousand miles away but silently, she hopes that it would never be the case, that Dahyun would never go too far for her to reach.

It’s been half a year since the Hawaii trip, half a year since she realized how she felt. It was all the same for the most part, except she felt more alive every day than she did for all those years spent before she met her. 

She arrives at her floor and heads out of the elevator, placing her phone back in her coat pocket. She waves at the few employees on their desks and greets them with a smile. She reaches her office and finds the door slightly open.

“The district attorney is here to see you so I let them in. I hope you don’t mind?” Gahyeon asked as she hands over an envelope.

“Oh. It’s alright. Thank you Gahyeon” Nayeon takes the envelope and checks her time, _they came earlier as expected._

“This came from above, highly confidential papers. They said it’s for the subsidiary mergers that you’d be dealing today. Good luck!”

Nayeon nods and with confidence she set foot in her office. The first thing she noticed was that the blinds were closed and the DA was facing the window, sat on her chair.

_That’s weird._

“Sorry, I think I’m late-“

The chair swivels to her direction as she comes face to face with the DA. She likes Gahyeon because she was Dahyun’s friend and has helped her a few times, but could it have killed her to give her a heads up?

Because the person right in front of her is not just some random DA who was under someone’s paycheck. This DA has blonde long hair, perceptive eyes, a sharp nose and has the same genetic aura. She was wearing a long black coat with a white neck, her blonde hair untied.

This was _the_ Minatozaki Sana.

Nayeon tries to hide her surprise. “You’re the new DA?”

“Isn’t it expected of me?” Her tone was harsh but straight to point. They have had a few conversations in the past, so she doesn’t know if this is how she usually is. 

“That’s not what I mean.”

“So the merger?”

Nayeon closes the door gently and props herself on one of the visitor chairs. She untangles the string from the envelope, it was surprisingly heavy.

She peeks inside and almost drops it right away. Inside were dozens of pictures.

_Nayeon with Dahyun laughing on the sidewalk._

_Nayeon with Dahyun buying from a souvenir shop._

_Nayeon with Dahyun playing with dogs on a playground._

_Nayeon with Dahyun drinking coffee in a vintage shop._

_Nayeon kissing Dahyun’s cheeks._

_Nayeon holding her hand._

_Nayeon laughing with whatever Dahyun said._

_Nayeon’s Charmander gloves._

_Nayeon and Dahyun on the beach….._

She tries to file through it without taking it out from it’s storage. She feels sick.

She wonders if anyone has seen this, if Gahyeon had, if she would tell on Dahyun. No, Gahyeon had been a good friend, wasn’t she?

She tries to calm her nerves as her hands shook. She closes the envelope and tightens her grip on it.

“Cat got your tongue?" She sees Sana smirk and for what? She doesn’t know.

“It’s not-“

“Don’t bother lying. Do you love her?” As she said, the girl was straight to the point. Nayeon was fully facing her now. She sees the tightness in her jaw, evident that she was suppressing her anger.

Nayeon gulps as she forced the words to roll off her tongue. “I do”

Sana laughs right after, gripping her belly as if trying to contain herself. It irks her, how she feels that she was being played with even if it was the other way around.

“Well, you can’t. Because she doesn’t feel the same way and it’s sad, that this is the way you’ve chosen. I would have pitied you if it wasn’t for the fact that you were fucking _my_ girlfriend” Nayeon winces at the blunt statement and clenches the envelope on her hands. 

Sana walks over to where Nayeon is and sits at the opposite sofa, leaning back with her legs crossed. An inquisitive look on her face.

“Why her?”

Nayeon looks at her straight in the eye. She isn’t backing down, she won’t be. She’s going to fight because it’s what Dahyun deserves. And for Dahyun, she could do it all.

“You weren’t there Sana”

A swirl of flashbacks flood Nayeon and she feels the anger rise in her chest.

“You weren’t there when she was waiting for you on the streets. Waiting for a call, a pick me up? For someone who has no intention of going. I eventually got tired of it so I drove her home once. Every single day spent after that one time, had her trying to make up for a single ride that I did just because I had to-”

“-It wasn’t a big deal but apparently to her it was. She would help me out here and there and the next thing I knew, I counted my good days based on how much I’ve seen her that day. I tried to be rude and made snark comments to get her out of my head but she still held on. Just for one act of kindness”

“Can you really blame me for falling in love? You should know best. I just held the place you were supposed to be but you chose not to!”

“Stop” Sana says coldly, but Nayeon doesn’t heed the warning.

“If she was like that with someone she barely knew, then how much more did she treat you? You had all the time in the world to make the person you love happy but I see you every day in that bar, sleeping with god knows how many women who doesn’t even compare to an inch of her--”

Sana was right in front of Nayeon in a split second, closed fist, pulling her collars. 

“I told you to stop” She says through gritted teeth but Nayeon perseveres because she doesn’t mind taking a hit.

“You have it on your hands but you keep letting it go. Sana, was it worth it?”

When Sana doesn’t answer, she continues.

“When you told me she didn’t love me, how do you know?”

Sana skips the question entirely.

“I’m marrying her”

Nayeon tries to look for deception in her face but she finds none. Her heart stops.

“I’m marrying her Nayeon, so break it up. She doesn’t have to know that I know. Just break it off”

She wanted to get mad, to scream and push and fight but she notices the bags under Sana’s eyes, her tie was crooked and her lips slightly pale. She looked tired – _regretful._

Nayeon is willing to do everything for Dahyun and deep inside she knows, she’s not the one who can make things right. So this meant everything, even letting her go. She doesn’t will herself to speak, just tries her best not to crumble.

Sana takes her silence as an agreement and releases her grip on Nayeon. She pulls back to run her hand through her hair and takes one last look at Nayeon before walking out.

Nayeon watched her retreating figure reach the door, when Sana turns around wearing the same tired eyes she hasn’t gotten used to.

“I guess you are a Minatozaki after all”

Sana always knew where she hurt best.

“Unnie”

Sana slams the door leaving Nayeon behind, as it always had been. She feels her phone vibrate but she doesn’t take it out in lightning speed this time. She lets it settle, takes her time. Same with the realization that the next time she replies, it’s all over.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sana’s chapter is next. I have a twitter now! Let me know your thoughts? @checkpointred1


	4. [M] Minatozaki Sana: The Love Story

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I wrote this chapter for 17 hours straight, I couldn't stop writing. This was a painful chapter for me to write and I had to pause a lot. The narration goes back and forth from past to present. Enjoy reading. Hope this doesn't hurt you too much.

_Someone help us ‘cause we’re doing our best_

_We’re smiling but we’re close to tears_

_Trying to make things work but these times are hard_

* * *

“Which one would you like?” The store clerk asks as she peeks through the different rings inside the showcase glass.

Sana smiles, “I want something expensive but not too flashy. Something that says, I will stay faithful forever”

The employees coo. “I just have the perfect one” She takes one in a velvet box, a diamond adorned by quartz at the sides which made it look like a rose.

Sana knew it was right. She buys it off right away and the clerk hands her the ivory paper bag.

“We hope it goes well!” She smiles at them and makes her way out. She feels the weight of the box in the bag. As heavy as her heart.

She gets inside the car. Turns the engine on and starts her journey.

* * *

The first time Sana saw Dahyun was when she was 10, young, immature and so full of herself. The pale girl was sat on a bench, reading a thick book, wearing a baggy white shirt, paired with black joggers and some loafers. While here was Sana waiting for her ride home on the opposite side of the street. The other girl never looks at her, even when Sana’s driver calls out her name, even when they were just a few feet apart, the pale girl seems fully engrossed in her book. The only reason the girl caught her attention was because her fashion seemed… _odd_ , Sana concludes it as that and dismisses all lingering thoughts. Even when she requests a detour to buy a specific book.

Fate wouldn’t have her forget so easily as she sees the same girl in the assembly a few months after, dressed in the same private school uniform. A white blouse covered by a blue blazer and a plaid skirt that rides just below her knee. Her hair was up in a bun with her bangs straight cut. She was wearing horn rimmed glasses and looked out of place. Her stare lingers a bit longer but even this time, the girl just never looks back. She hears her friends call for her name and her observing ends for the day. She _firmly_ decides that she doesn’t want to do anything with her.

It seems like a step out of the wrong direction when her father shows picture cards of potential allies for the company when she gets home. It was growing faster than ever, with emerging subsidiaries at every corner of South Korea. She looks at each picture feigning interest as her father mentions their parent’s names, companies, net worth, ranked from richest to the not so rich. A particular card piquing her interest, she memorizes the name in arial font and recites it in her head. _Kim Dahyun._

“Now she, is ranked 1”, As he points to a picture of Dahyun smiling “Be friends with her. They said she’s a bit eccentric but that’s fine”

“Sana?” Her father now looming over her, she realizes she was in over her head and didn’t hear a word he said. She shifts uncomfortable in her seat.

“Yes father?” She looks up to him as she tries her best not to fidget.

“Are you listening? Did you even hear what I said?”

She nods.

“Can’t you speak?”

“I-I can”

Her father presses his right palm on the table and uses the other to hold her cheek, making her face him and look him straight in the eye.

“You’re a Minatozaki, Sana. We don’t stutter. You will have _all_ of this” Pointing to the entirety of the papers in her father’s desk. “Do as you’re told. Consider this as your first mission. Understood?”

“Yes father” She answers without missing a beat this time.

Her dad pats her head as she slowly looks down, refraining to smile with the slight show of affection.

“Ms. Oh left. Don’t look for her” Her father says in a dismissed tone and leaves the room.

It was the fourth mother she’s had in the past decade. She says she’s gotten used to it, to anyone that asks. But Sana wasn’t a very good liar, she doesn’t cry but she’s still in pain. And older Sana wonders, maybe this is how it starts.

* * *

The next day she approaches Dahyun with a renewed vigor, sandwich bag in hand, carefully crafted by their world-renowned chef for her “ _special friend”_. She wanted to make first impressions right, it was important. She sits down beside her but same as the previous encounters, the girl doesn’t budge. It hurts her pride sitting with someone a year younger than her, barely recognizing her presence, when all her life she has been the one who everyone wanted to befriend.

_I guess the rich are snobs to other people who are rich too, Kim Dahyun was no different._

She turns up the sweetness in her voice and practically coos “You won’t make friends if you keep to yourself like that”

“I have friends” The pale girl says in a monotone voice, it’s the first time Sana hears her voice. It was soft, calm and soothing. It disarms her and there’s a rumbling in her chest she tries to ignore. The pale girl glances at her and Sana in all her nervousness doesn’t look back and keeps a straight face.

The girl then starts to say random names, and Sana being ever so diligent with her _“mission”_ recognizes them as the fictional characters in her favorite book.

“They can’t be your friends Dahyun”

“Why not?”

_It’s supposed to be the people you’ll have connections with in the future._

“Because they’re not real” She says otherwise.

“And what is a real friend to you?” The other girl eyes the pack in between her hands.

“I’ll be your friend” Sana offers as she evades the question she doesn’t have an answer to and slowly lifts the sandwich to the other girl’s vision.

“I don’t make friends with people who know my name already when they approach me, it always ends up badly” Before Sana makes her rebuttal, the pale girl doesn’t hesitate to leave. Sana decides she hates her and can’t be friends with her. She might be full of herself, but she didn’t know there was someone more who she can compete with.

It was just a sandwich. Just a friendship. An offer to make everything work in the future. She called her by her first name, that was a mistake. But it was all part of the research, she was giving the effort so why was it so hard? Did Kim Dahyun really think she was all _that_?

* * *

_“I thought you hated me turns out you just had the hots for me. Didn’t think we’d go down that trope baby” Dahyun laughs as she hands her popcorn. It was movie night with Dahyun repeating one of the actor’s lines._

_“You’re so full of yourself aren’t you?” Sana tickles the younger’s sides which made her scream. They kept laughing and forgot what time it is until the neighbor was knocking on their door to shut up._

_They laughed even more because they were trying so hard not to._

They were happy. So happy and contented living in an old run-down apartment. Sana wishes she could turn back time and didn’t leave.

She was in their driveway, the lights in their lavish apartment turned off. She turns the engine on again and leaves. It wasn’t time yet. 

* * *

Dahyun never left Sana’s mind even if they didn’t speak for the entirety of middle school. She was finally enjoying her time with her newfound friends which she used to call mission success #1 and #2, now they go by the names of Mina and Momo, never would she think otherwise again. Even with her father finally off her back with befriending the pale girl, she still can’t stop thinking about her. She’s up to date on her whereabouts, her classes and the friends she chose over Sana. Apparently she’s taken the liking of unusual friendships, the prettiest student in the school Chou Tzuyu and the somber artist Son Chaeyoung. Neither of which had the influence to help out Dahyun in her future endeavors but who knows if she has some trick up in her sleeves. Sana doesn’t trust her one bit.

It was harder to ignore her when junior high came, and puberty hit Dahyun like a truck. She attended school one day, her braces removed, her baby fat gone, she was leaner, had long black curls and her glasses replaced with contact lenses. Even without makeup, she was easily one of the most gorgeous faces in their school. Sana tried to tune out the whispers between her social cliques, how the only heir of the Kim industries was in their school and how she has turned to a total bombshell, making her the perfect bachelorette. There’s a rotting in her chest that she can’t figure out yet. She can’t stop the annoyance she feels whenever she passes by Dahyun and she’d see different people talking to her. It’s unfair. She knew her first, she approached her first. She was never at the receiving end of her smiles so why was it easy for her to give it to other people? Wasn’t she worthy of her attention?

“Why don’t you just talk to her?” Momo says while eating the snack that Sana made for her.

It startles Sana but she tries to keep her calm. She doesn’t want to lay all her cards yet. “Who?”

“Come on Sana. Stop acting oblivious. Of course, we’re talking about your not-so-hidden crush on ms. Bombshell over there. We won’t judge you” Pointing to herself and Mina. “We swing the same way remember?”

“Momo, no. It’s not that.” She fans herself, not so subtly hiding her flaming cheeks. “I don’t like her. Not like that. I tried to be friends with her before all this happened and she turned me down”

“Maybe you scared her with your ‘I’ve been inlove with you since 5ever’ energy”

“Oh my god Momo. I swear if you don’t stop” Sana gets a sausage from her lunch and shoves it down Momo’s mouth which the other swallows in a swift motion.

With her mouth full “If you were a boy, you’d have boner every time you see -,”

“Momo, that’s disgusting” She’s absolutely horrified especially because Dahyun’s lunch table is just a few feet away. “Mina, your friend is being rude! Tell her it isn’t true!” Sana whines while still trying to shove food down Momo’s throat, it’s a rice ball this time.

“I don’t think I’ll ever say this but I’m with Momo on this one. You’re not exactly subtle about it. On 6th grade, every Wednesday you’d go home an hour later just because you’re watching a certain someone read her book”

“But I was just studying!”

Momo continued, “Liar! You even did that on sports week! Who does that?” Her eyes bulging while looking at Mina for agreement, the other stifles a laugh but nods anyway. “And not to mention, you’d use your connections to have a copy of her class schedules and match it to yours. Don’t think we didn’t know!”

“No, I really don’t. She’s a,” What was Dahyun to her really? “Mission”

Both girls sigh and deflates on their seat. Sana was a hopeless case.

“If you really don’t have a crush on her then it’s alright if she gets asked out?” Mina says with a serious tone.

“What?”  
  


“For the concert. Heard Jaehyun’s going to ask her out. Him and maybe some other boys and maybe girls too. If you’re late, you’ll miss your chance. A chance not taken is not just in the moment thing, it can be binding until _death do us part_. You know how these things go” Momo gives her a look.

Sana loved both of them dearly. When she developed an endearment to them, she had to tell them why she approached them, explained her _missions_ but they understood, it was mostly the same for everyone anyway. Finding partners for the elites were important and cultured at an early age. So she understands what they’re trying to tell her, Dahyun being ranked higher than most means that her prospects are a hundred fold with many of them vying for a relationship long term, be it with Dahyun or her assets. She won’t be single for long. Sana knows this and yet she hesitates, she doesn’t even know if she actually likes the girl yet. Or if she likes girls in general. The Madonna poster in her bedroom wall thinks otherwise but she stops before she gets ahead of herself. 

Her friends sensing her internal battle, Mina speaks up “But you shouldn’t do it if you’re not ready. It’s still your life you know” Her hand resting on top of Sana’s.

They leave the conversation at that but the questions rides in her chest for the weeks to come.

* * *

The days before the concert, Sana tried to avoid Dahyun like the plague. Granted they don’t really talk with each other, but this means Sana doesn’t _accidentally_ see her down the halls or tries to meet her eyes anymore. She does not have a crush on her. She is _not_ going to ask her out. How could she, when they haven’t even had a proper conversation with each other? The whole research notebook she has about her, which had lots of doodles and comments like _“She’s so cute”_ is probably shifting through her drawers in this very moment but she ignores it, again. Dahyun’s already rejected her friendship before, so what would be different this time?

All the thinking these past weeks had gotten through to her head so she skips fifth period using headache as an excuse. She makes her way to the nurse’s station to recuperate, the nurse was on a lunch break so she lays on the bed closest to the door. She was about to sleep when she heard a deep voice on the bed beside her, they were separated by the curtains.

“Hey. I brought you medicine”

“Thanks” She recognizes the soft voice immediately.

“So what about the dance? You think you can make it and go with me?”

What a total douchebag. He doesn’t even ask her how she is. It makes Sana mad and she thinks of leaving at this moment but ultimately decides otherwise.

“I can’t. I already told my friends I’m coming with them”

Sana tries to stop the smile that was forming on her face.

“So what? Ditch them. Go with me”

She hears the bed covers rustling.

“J-Jaehyun. Stop”

Sana’s heart went to overdrive.

“Or what? Let’s skip all the formalities, shall we? And Dahyun, you look so pretty all sweaty like that”

Sana clenches her fist. She wants to vomit. This fucking excuse of a man.

“What? Don’t you like me? Our families want this. I’ll be nice to you.” He continues, voice dripped with honey, “Really nice”

Sana was swift to sit up on her bed despite the dull pain on her head and as she pulled the curtains apart, she heard it.

A loud slap. She found Jaehyun with his head sideways, his eyes in shock. Dahyun with her palm in a swing motion, her eyes dark and her face beat red.

“Get out!” She screamed and pushed him out.

“Your father will hear about this!” He screamed back while pointing his finger at Dahyun, nostrils flaring.

“He fucking better!” The curse caught Sana off guard and it seemed Jaehyun did too.

“He will hear about this and I will see to it that you’d get the punishment you deserve” He barks, pale as he cowardly runs off probably afraid of what Dahyun will say next.

Sana was stunned and even that was an understatement. She stood frozen.

Dahyun laid back on the bed staring at the ceiling before she asks, “How many people will you tell?”

It dawns on Sana then. Dahyun isn’t most people, no matter how much Sana tries to think she is in order to salvage her own ideas of what she thought was right. That’s why she was careful. That’s why she hated the name.

“No one” Dahyun tilts her head sideways to face and looks at her questioningly.

“What’s the catch?”

It hurts her that this is how Dahyun sees her, well most people. She tries not to take it to heart.

“You’re the catch. Be my friend. Or just say Hi back”

“You’re weird”

“Says the girl who spat me out the first day I met her”

Dahyun chuckles and Sana’s heart take the biggest leap. To the moon? Probably.

“Okay”

“Okay?”

“Okay.”

Dahyun moves her body to the right and pats the space beside her.

“Can you sleep next to me?”

Sana wants to ask why but her feet was faster than her brain response. Before she knew it, she was already beside Dahyun in the nurse’s bed. She fights the urge to reach out.

“How are you feeling?”

“I don’t know”

“Is it good or bad?”

“I think. It’s bad”

Sana faces Dahyun, turning her body sideways, the latter still staring at the ceiling.

“Want to make it feel better?”

“How?”

“Let’s hug”

“Okay”

Sana readjusts their position so that Dahyun’s head is lying on her right arm, her own wrapped around the younger. A hand caressing the top of her head and the other placed respectfully at the other’s waist. Dahyun’s head was buried on her chest, she was shaking.

“Don’t worry about crying. I’ll just buy a new one to show off just how rich I am” She tries to lift the mood up.

It was all it took for Dahyun to finally let go. She cried and cried while Sana took it all in. She felt her front soaked from the tears but she never stopped holding her and comforting her. Certainly a weird thing to do on their first day of friendship but Sana knows it’s where she belongs, where _they_ belong. Try as they might, they were never going to be anything but conventional.

That day she gained 3 things, Dahyun’s friendship, her trust and a concert friendly date (with their friends of course).

And she has the pleasure to say that Momo was wrong, she did not have a crush on Dahyun. She was in love with her right from the start. She will remember this day forever.

* * *

“So who are you going with on the Senior ball?” Momo asked her during lunch. Dahyun was sitting beside her and opposite to Tzuyu while Chaeyoung and Mina sat faced to each other. After a few ‘concert dates’, Dahyun and Sana’s circle eventually merged. They were at different grades but honestly who cares? Lunch time was reserved for friends.

“I don’t know yet” She tried sneaking a glance at Dahyun but her face remains impassive, focused on her rice ball. Instead of getting any attention from the younger, she finds Tzuyu staring back at her, looking at her incredulously.

“What do you mean you don’t know? I’ve heard a ton of guys asked you out, just pick one, you have to be there. Remember the sponsors?” Momo winks and she tries her best not to get reeled in and take the bait.

She focuses back on her food and tried to avert the conversation. “It’s 2 weeks away. Besides, I don’t even like guys” the last one she said in an almost whisper. No one bats an eye. “In any case, that won’t be a problem. How about you guys?”

“Of course it won’t be a problem for Princess Minatozaki” Rolling her eyes, “and funny you’d ask but this girl asked me out on a date” She throws one arm around the girl beside her, Chaeyoung who was turning into a tomato.

Beside her, Dahyun exclaims dramatically. “What? Son Chaeyoung?” She looks around and they tried to feign surprise. “You betrayed me! Why am I the only one who doesn’t know?”

They laugh around the table, of course, Dahyun’s the last one to know. Even Mina and Tzuyu were just smiling in their seats.

“I-, I-, it just slipped out. So yeah, we’re going _together”_ Chaeyoung says while giving her whole attention to the plate in front of her.

“How could you even slip—” As if Sana sees the gears in her head shift, “Wait. Together? As in together _together?_ Are you guys a thing now? Wait. Are you dating?”

Momo smirks and shifts in her seat, pressing a quick peck on Chaeyoung’s cheeks.

The whole table shrieks and Dahyun loses her mind while Sana tries to hold her back to make her sit down.

“Not in front of the food” Mina brings the calm back to the table.

Dahyun clutches her heart and whispers under her breath normally as if she wanted everyone to hear “Traitor!”

Chaeyoung’s using the puppy eyes trick while chanting “Bro”. Momo comes to her defense and points a fork at Dahyun.

“You’re not exactly innocent either. I heard those seniors asked you out. A certain Cha Eunwoo had taken to your fancy?”

Sana’s ears perks up. Of course Dahyun was getting asked out. It had always been that way. She just tried to feign ignorance.

“No, he hasn’t asked me and I don’t know If I’m going yet. I’m not in my graduating year so it’s not mandatory” She responds in a hushed tone.

Tzuyu speaks up then, “But your dad wants you to go, doesn’t he?”

“Well, yeah he does”

“With Eunwoo?”

Dahyun just nods.

Momo fills out the blanks. “So basically you’ll go even if you don’t want to because your dad asked you?”

“Yeah. I guess. One dance won’t hurt”

One dance? She and Dahyun never even had one dance. Not that they had any reason to but still! Why was Dahyun so nonchalant about this? If she hated it then why would she agree every time to her father’s demands?

“Just don’t go if you don’t want to” She tried hard not to say anything but the words that came out of her mouth was harsher than she thought. Dahyun looks at her surprised.

Just as she was about to answer, someone calls out for her name with flowers and Dahyun’s favorite chocolates in hand, but he got the flavor wrong. Cha Eunwoo. Sana doesn’t know him very well but she already knows she didn’t like him one bit. He doesn’t deserve Dahyun.

“You don’t have to do everything they want you to do. I thought you had more spine than that? I thought you were your own person. I thought you were-“ She sees the hurt in Dahyun’s eyes, she continues anyway. “-different”

She can feel Mina holding her arms as if motioning her to stop. It was too late.

Eunwoo finally arrives at their table before Dahyun could say anything back. What a godly timing.

“Dahyun! Can we talk?”

Dahyun abruptly stands up, mutters a see you later looking at no one in particular then takes her leave.

Once the pale girl was out of earshot, Tzuyu breaks the silence and tells Sana, “I’m no expert but I’m pretty sure that’s not how you get the girl”

It catches Sana off guard, she looks around the table to see them nodding in agreement. It seems everyone knows except the topic herself. She buries her face in her hands. She groans.

How could she mess up something she hasn’t even started?

* * *

_“I should have known you were going to hurt her. You always had that habit of hurting the people who care about you when you’re scared to face your own feelings. Stay away Sana, I’m warning you”_

Sana bumps her forehead on the steering wheel. _I never meant it._

But who would believe her when she has already hurt the person who’s always believed in her?

* * *

On the day of the ball, Sana found herself waiting inside her limo, flowers at hand, in a tuxedo she got a few weeks before, across Dahyun’s villa. They hadn’t talked since her outburst, mainly her fault for avoiding Dahyun in any way that she can. She felt Dahyun’s glances here and there but she wasn’t ready to face the truth then, not ready to face the truth even now.

She looks at her manual wristwatch, 5 more hours before the party. She’s been stuck here for 2 hours. She wonders if she should just go. Her phone vibrates in her pocket, she phishes it out and sees a text from Momo.

**[Shimo 4:45PM]**

Eunwoo’s held up by the ball rep, I’ll see if I can hold him off too. You have an hour to go see Dahyun and fix yourself up loser

**[Useless gay 4:45PM]**

I’m outside her house

**[Shimo 4:45PM]**

You’re what???

Nvm, don’t answer that.

How long?

**[Useless gay (maybe not) 4:46PM]**

2 hours

**[Shimo 4:46PM]**

You’re hopeless! Get it over with!!!

You’ll lose your chance forever!!! Heard Eunwoo’s gonna do a big move tonight!!!

That gets Sana going as she finally turns the engine on. She signals the security and upon seeing her face, they let her in. Once she gets in front of her front door however, her nerves kick in. She drags her feet in front of her doorstep, reciting the apology she had in her head. She can’t bring herself to knock or press the doorbell.

The intercom buzzes which startles her as she holds her chest “So are you coming in or not?” She can recognize that voice anywhere. Both doors swung open as she’s greeted by the one and only, Dahyun herself.

“So you’ve finally decided to stop avoiding me?” A smirk shows on her face.

“Listen Dahyun I’m sorry—”

Dahyun cuts her off “It’s alright. You were right you know. Don’t worry about it. Come up!”

The pale girl touches her arm to motion her inside. And just like that, they were okay again.

They made their way up to Dahyun’s room at the upper floor, her room was at the end of the hallway.  
  


“Isn’t there anybody home?”

“Just me. Parents on a business trip. The helpers are all on vacation”

“But why? Won’t you need help?”

She laughs. “I can manage on my own Sana”

They finally reach Dahyun’s room and it was everything Sana imagined but more. The room was clearly different from the rest of the house’s interior, it was almost bare. White walls, the furniture was simple but with customized designs, the bed looked like it was made especially for Dahyun, nothing felt out of place, it was like she was stepping into a side of Dahyun she has never seen before, partnered with the fact that they were all alone, it made Sana nervous.

“You think my room’s weird?”

Sana shakes her head so much she might have just broken her neck “No. It’s amazing. It’s so, you”

Sana shifts her gaze and towards the bed she sees a gold dress. Oh right, the party. She turns to Dahyun which was in front of her vanity mirror and notices the faint make up she has on. A bit of foundation, blush and gloss adorning her lips. Her white robe on white clear skin. Pretty. Very pretty.

“Hey. Uh. When you say I was right earlier. What did you mean?”

“That I should do what I want. And in saying yes to whatever my father wanted, I wasn’t being myself. It’s just that I loved him so much and I wanted him to be proud of me”

She looks at Sana and continues, “We had a talk before they left and he told me that he doesn’t love me because I do things for him, he loves me for me and that whatever I do or choose, he will always love me”

“Your father seems lovely” Sana can’t believe what she’s hearing. A healthy relationship with her dad? One could only wish.

“He is. So thank you Sana, for making me realize things. I wanted to thank you earlier but I hurt your feelings so I’m sorry too” Dahyun smiles at her, Sana smiles back.

“Wait here” Dahyun stands up and picks up the dress from the bed, motions a wait sign then goes to the bathroom to change.

When she comes out from the bathroom, she takes Sana’s breath away. Dahyun usually shies away from wearing body hugging outfits but this dress definitely accentuates her body proportions. She tries not to be such a nervous wreck but she had to sit down for this.

“Is it too much?” Dahyun touches her dress nervously.

“No, no. You look gorgeous”

“You don’t look so bad yourself in your tux, you’re very pretty” Sana smiles at the compliment and tries not to get carried away with how innocent Dahyun was looking at her back.

Dahyun smiles with her eyes then turns on her back “Can you help me with the buttons at the middle? I can’t reach”

“So this is the real reason why you let me in”

Dahyun chuckles.

Sana gulps as she breathes in to calm her nerves.

She picks a button, skin accidentally touching skin. There were four in total.

“Hey Dahyun”

Dahyun hums.

“If you meant what you said earlier, then why are you still going to the ball? With Eunwoo?”

On the first one.

“I know you only don’t like him because you think I’m forcing myself-” Sana holds her breath as she ever so slowly gets the second button done.

“I actually like him as a friend. His parents are making way for a forced marriage so I’m helping him out”

Third button.

“Hmm. I still don’t think it’s right. How long are you planning to help him?”

“It doesn’t matter much to me though Sana. It’s just a friend helping out another friend. I’d do the same for any of you”

Fourth button.

“But what if it matters to me?” Sana thinks it’s now or never, she’s taking the cowardly way out by not saying it to her face but she doesn’t think she can.

She finishes the last button and holds Dahyun on her shoulders, making sure she doesn’t turn back.

“I like you Dahyun. I have for a while now. Actually, I think I liked you ever since the first day I saw you” Dahyun stills in her hold.

Sana releases her and Dahyun slowly turned towards her. Her eyes in surprise, her mouth agape.

“Well say something” Sana shifts her weight nervously.

Dahyun reaches out for her hands. “Sana, look at me”

Sana tries.

“If it matters to you then I won’t”

“If you’re doing this because you feel bad for me, don’t even start” Sana tries to remove herself from Dahyun’s hold, the other kept holding tighter.

“You don’t understand Sana, I like you too dummy” Dahyun says with warmth in her eyes.

“what? You?”

“I know I’m a bit slow to pick up on these things but when you told me you liked me, I realized, I actually do too. All of these things I felt suddenly make sense. And I know it’s weird, it’s like I’m doing this in reverse, you know? Like that movie we watched last time where the main character was-“

Sana cuts off her with a kiss. “You’re rambling” Dahyun was surprised.

“Is this okay?”

“More than okay.” Dahyun smiles as she leans in for another.

Hands exploring bare skin, kisses exploring lips and cheeks and neck. They stumble on Dahyun’s bed, with her on Sana’s lap.

Sana couldn’t believe it. The way Dahyun looks at her in the exact same way she does, it makes her warm all over. To have her reciprocate her feelings, to have Dahyun touch her. It was amazing. This is amazing. Dahyun was amazing.

The ball was long forgotten, the text messages from their friends forgotten. Only Dahyun’s simple text to Eunwoo was permitted for the whole night.

Sana wished her friends were right, that Dahyun was truly her until death do us part. She would literally die if they had to part.

Just like that, the night ended with them in each other’s arms.

Sana was Dahyun’s and Dahyun was Sana’s.

* * *

Sana stares at the villa in front of her. It’s empty. They were never able to sell this place, it was the only property Dahyun never really let go though no one has lived there for years now. Not even caretakers were allowed to go in, only Dahyun had access to. Well, Sana did as well because the key was just in the fishbowl at their apartment but she never had the guts to.

She wonders what’s in this Villa that Dahyun couldn’t let go of? Was it her childhood memories? Her parents? Or her?

Every single time she passes by here, is she reminded of good things? Or only the awful wretched ones?

She promises herself to ask next time and continues to drive.

* * *

Sana would blame it on a teen’s hormones but by the second year of them dating, they couldn’t take their hands of each other. Both of them now in University, Sana in her second year and Dahyun in her first. Momo would often tell her to keep it in her pants but she can’t stop when Dahyun keeps on walking like a goddess and she just missed her so much when she had to leave her for Uni, the 1 year of waiting was excruciating when she was used to seeing her every day.

After the first time, they do it everywhere. It was supposed to be an after-school session, with the midterms a few weeks from now, they wanted to study and get high marks. But the marks they’re doing now are not exactly what would help them through the test.

It starts with the harmless eye flirting until it escalated to hot scorched kisses in one of the secluded parts of the library. Dahyun’s back was pressed on the tall wooden shelves while Sana was placing open mouthed kisses on her neck. She slips in her leg to separate Dahyun’s thighs and feels heat radiate from all over body.

“S-ana. We really shouldn’t do this h-here” Dahyun’s eyes were closed and her neck tilted upwards. Sana removes her leg and flips Dahyun’s skirt to press her palm on her clothed warmth.

“Are you sure? Because this-” She presses further, Dahyun lets out a moan “-says otherwise”. Sana grins when Dahyun gulps, unable to answer. Even when though they should be quiet, Sana can’t help it, she loves to hear the other lose it.

“Say what you want baby, or else I can’t give it to you” She whispers in her ears as she licks them.

“I hate you, so much”

“Just right now? I know baby. So should we stop?”

Dahyun huffs but leans in anyway. “Sana, I need you. Right now. Take me right here” She took Sana’s hand and pressed it to her warmth further “Please”

Upon hearing the magic words, Sana immediately gives in. She knew they were running out of time before someone catches them or Dahyun’s moans alerts everyone in the vicinity.

“Off” She commands.

Not a second later, Dahyun was stripped of her underwear, Sana slips it inside her skirt pocket. She sees a small wooden desk on the side and lifts Dahyun up to sit on it. The glass was tinted so you can only see from the inside. She separates Dahyun’s quivering thighs and sees a shiny line dripping off from her center. Dahyun in all her glory. Hair sticking on a sweaty forehead, her face red, eyes closed shut and her ragged breaths. Sana tries to gulp a moan.

“You’re so wet for me baby. You want to get caught so bad?”

Dahyun wraps her arm around her neck. “Sana please”

Sana lets herself be pulled close. She has edged her enough. She finally touches her center, the response was immediate, with Dahyun’s whole body aching for any semblance of touch. Her fingers were filled with warmth right away, she coats her finger in Dahyun’s own wetness, enjoying how the other was so aroused because of her. Her own warmth threatening to spill out.

“Sana?” A voice echoes in the room. It was the headmistress. Sana froze.

She feels Dahyun hump on her fingers.

“Sana I can’t. I- We can’t stop. You have to make me come”

Dahyun says breathless and desperate. Sana pulls herself. She hears the voice again. Before she can totally let go, Dahyun has caught her wrist and placed it on her center.

“Put it in. Now” There was edge to her voice and her eyes were painted with lust. How she commands it. To be filled, to be consumed. Consequences be damned. Who was Sana to deny her?

Sana doesn’t go with one finger but pushes two right away. It slids in without a pause. Fully lubricated. She can hear the faint skin of slick skin and wetness as she goes in and out.

“Miss Minatozaki?” She hears it closer now.

She kisses Dahyun to muffle her moans. Every thrust of her fingers, Dahyun would equally trust back. She feels her insides tighten and how desperate Dahyun was in bucking her hips. She quickens the pace as she rams her fingers back and forth. They were covered in heat and sweat, Sana finds it harder to breathe and kiss her at once.

“Baby, you feel so good inside me. Please, please don’t stop” When she begs for more like this, Sana can’t do anything else but comply.

“I’m coming already, f-ck Sana. Give it to me harder” Dahyun says in a faint whisper.

She curls her fingers and Dahyun pulls her fingers deeper into her core. They shook and her moans find their place in Sana’s mouth. She pulls back, sees Dahyun’s eyes pushed into the back of her head, her back arched, her mouth wide open, the veins on her neck popping, her legs father spread out, as she comes undone on Sana’s fingers. A complete and total surrender.

Sana feels her own spill out and tries her best to keep herself standing. She pressed her mouth on Dahyun’s shoulder to muffle her moans as she comes untouched.

“Sana?”

She had barely pulled out of Dahyun then. Her fingers still coated with Dahyun’s wetness hidden behind her back. Dahyun was seated calmly on the same desk, reading a book. Her legs crossed.

The headmistress seems to pay them no concern. “There you are. Your driver’s looking for you. They said there was something important you had to attend. Let’s go”

“Of course. Dahyun, I have to go. It was a great study session. Let’s do it again next time”

“Bye Sana” Her voice hoarse. Sana follows the headmistress out. She knows Dahyun would be following her with a stare so she looks back and puts the two fingers which was in Dahyun earlier inside her mouth and sucked them clean.

Dahyun’s eyes grew larger at the sight and Sana chuckles. It was a fond memory. Of Dahyun going home without an underwear, while Sana comes over and over that night with that piece of clothing. Reminiscing the earlier events in the afternoon.

* * *

“Sana? Is that really you?” The headmistress eyes her.

“Oh hi. I was just feeling a bit nostalgic so I thought I’d visit” She smiles shyly, knowing she hasn’t visited since she graduated.

The headmistress cranes her neck. “Are you alone? Where’s Dahyun? Are you guys not together?”

“We still are. She’s just, just busy”

“I see, tell her I said Hi. She can still come and borrow her favorite books you know. Take your time and snoop around. A lot has changed since then” The headmistress leaves and she finds herself alone again.

Dahyun was surely loved by everyone.

She scans the library and she’s right. A lot has changed. She eyes a familiar wooden desk on the corner. Surely it can’t be?

She crouches down to look underneath the desk, blows air and sees it.

_Dahyun and Sana._ Etched in wood. Her vision becomes blurry, she runs out. 

* * *

Within the same year, Dahyun’s parents died in a plane crash while they were away on another business trip.

Unlike Sana losing mothers every now and then, she soon realizes that it’s not comparable to the loss Dahyun was facing because she was inconsolable. A loss is a loss nonetheless. But Dahyun refused to go to school. To eat. To talk. To stay awake. To live.

But Sana stayed throughout the whole ordeal, the final exams were done on her last semester so she was given free pass to withdraw from the ceremonies, it’s not like she had anyone to come anyway. Dahyun has moved out from their villa to her own flat near University. Sana would visit her place every single day and she would find her sleeping, so she would stay, clean up, watch over her but the younger would just not wake up. Or maybe she just chose not to talk to her at the moment. She was not allowed to stay overnight even when she begged her father, he offered his condolences but said Sana had to focus on her studies and make that her priority. She was thankful for their other friends who could actually stay overnight at Dahyun’s, all of them took turns in taking care of her, she still didn’t wake up but it puts her mind at ease.

It was the first time Sana has ever experienced something like this and she was so scared to lose her. She didn’t want to think about it but she can’t help but realize that grief has taken Dahyun away. She will never give up though, she would love her until she’s cured and she would do just that.

On the funeral rites day, she was surprised when the younger dressed up in her funeral clothing, her face bare and her self, composed. Unlike the days which passed. She held both frames of her parents in her hands as she silently nods to all the funeral goers. She was on her knees the whole day and Sana couldn’t do anything but to stay beside her.

On the last day, Sana didn’t expect her own father to come. He never acknowledged her and Dahyun’s relationship but as the sole heir of the Kim industries with no close relatives, she was of worth. She wishes he didn’t come.

“We should have met sooner” He says in all his charm. Sana wants to vomit.

Dahyun just nods. He whispers something in her ear and sees Dahyun glance at her. She quickly removes her gaze and stands up. They walk to the opposite side of the room and went inside one of the conference halls. Sana wants to follow but she had to entertain the guests. She was itching to go but even her friends weren’t there. She times them and when they finish exactly 15 minutes later, she was boring her eyes into her father who stepped out of the room, his face unreadable. Dahyun comes out right after, nodding goodbye to him and goes back to sit beside Sana.

“If he told you something weird, don’t mind him”

“No, he just offered his condolences” It was the first time Dahyun spoke to her. She missed her, her voice, everything about her.

“I’m sorry for the way that I acted Sana. Let’s talk after this okay?” Sana places her hand top of Dahyun’s which was on her lap. She loved her so much.

* * *

But the thing was, they never did talk. They whispered apologies and thank you’s and cried but they never really talked. About Dahyun’s grief. About Sana’s dad. About everything that was painful and hard and complicated.

As Sana sits on the patch of grass in front of Dahyun’s parents she asks, “Mr. and Mrs. Kim, if I had done something that day would things have changed differently?”

Silence.

She bows her head and asks them one more time for their blessing.

* * *

“I’m going to live with Dahyun” She gathers up all courage while she was in her father’s studies one day. She has talked to Dahyun, they wanted this. They have each other. They will be fine.

Her father doesn’t even look up to her as he says with finality, “You are to stay here and takeover. That’s final”

“I’m not asking. I’m simply informing you”

Her father takes off his glasses and leans back on his chair “Where’s all that coming from? Think you’re so big just because you graduated Uni? You’re not even a lawyer yet. You remind me so much of myself, when I was young and foolish, didn’t know any better. Don’t waste any more time by making the same mistakes, you are staying”

“I don’t like staying here. Being here. I don’t want your wealth. I don’t want to take over the company” Those were the things that she was longing to say for some time, it felt good to finally get that out of her chest.

“How about Dahyun then? Did you know that she doesn’t have any access to her parent’s wealth until they find her suitable enough to take over the company? If she chooses not to, she’ll be,” He tries to find the right words without looking disgusted “a regular wage earner”

“I know. She doesn’t want the company either”

Her father huffs. “It’s not that she doesn’t want the company Sana. Can’t you see? She’s not good enough. She’ll never be good enough for their company. She has a music degree for god sake! What were her parents thinking letting her go rampant-“

“That’s enough”

“You’re both idiots. Throwing away everything and for what? I raised you as an intelligent woman Sana. I don’t know how they raised Dahyun but certainly they did something wrong if she acts that way and brainwashes you—”

“Father!” She stands horrified at how truly evil her father is. He tolerated them because of Dahyun’s parents and now they were gone, she honestly can’t believe this man is her father.

“Don’t ever think Sana that you’re indispensable”

“What do you mean?”

“Did you actually think that you’d be the only one in the world?” He takes out his wallet and hands over a piece of paper.

“That’s your half-sister. Think of it as an understudy.” He smirks, “You’re not as special as you think”

She looks at the piece of paper, this girl didn’t look anything like her father yet she believes him. She traces her name. _Im Nayeon._ An address written beneath her name.

He walks over to her and Sana has never felt so small. He takes a firm grip on her shoulder.

“I’ll let you go this once for you to truly figure out what life is. You can’t take anything from me except the clothes on your back. And when you come crawling back to me, I will have you by the neck and you would do everything as I say. Do you understand?”

Sana nods.

“Now go away. You can waste your time but not mine” He doesn’t even spare a glace at her as she lives the room.

That night she says goodbye to their housekeepers and leaves. Dahyun has already found an apartment, enough for the both of them and the savings they had from selling their own things. She welcomes her with open arms and Sana has never felt so at ease. They will be okay. They will get through this because they have each other.

She had never been so wrong.

* * *

_“I think I could love you forever” She says in a daze as Dahyun picks her clothes up from the floor, naked._

_Dahyun eyes her. “You think? Or you mean, you know?”_

_It was a make or break moment._

_“I think” Sana teases her._

_Dahyun dives over to her bed and she shrieks. “I can’t believe you! After everything I’ve done, after you’ve used my body, abused me-”_

_Sana was able to get a firm grip on her wrist as she pulls her underneath her own “Oh. I’m not done with the abusing just yet, Mrs. Minatozaki”_

_Dahyun’s eyes grow in surprise and Sana can’t resist to pepper her with kisses. “What?”_

_“Why are you surprised? We will get there won’t we? I **will** love you forever” _

_Dahyun cups her face. “I would like that very much. Kim Sana”_

* * *

“You’re just not qualified” The man in a weird bow tie hands her resume, unopened in an envelope.

“Sir if you could just-“

“A no is a no, please leave” His secretary shows her to the door with an unapologetic smile. She could see the queue of applicants outside trying to look away from her. As if they’ll catch her being jobless as a disease.

She stands on the pavement as she suffers the 34th job application reject these past four months. The rejection was okay, she can handle it but it’s physical interviews like this on the other side of town where she had to use money to eat, for the bus fare where she could have used it for Dahyun’s University tuition fee.

She can’t believe how hard it is to land a job in Seoul with a degree in a prestigious school at that. Her stomach rumbles as she checks the time, it was past lunch. She walks around the area to look for other job postings, trying her luck if there are other interviews in the area, she’ll eat when she gets home.

With no luck, she finally makes her way home and arrives at the delicious aroma of home cooked food. Dahyun never missing to welcome her with open arms. She takes one glance at her face and doesn’t ask anything more. Sana appreciates the thoughtfulness.

She pulls up the chair for her and hands her a bowl of soup, no side dishes, she sees pork in the soup which gets her excited. She takes a bite and it takes everything in her not to puke right there and then. She hasn’t eaten all day but this tastes awful. She tries not to show it on her face.

“Is it good?” Dahyun asks with glee in her eyes.

_It’s too salty. Too much pepper and salt. Don’t you taste what you cook?_

“Yes baby. This tastes good” She lies through her teeth. “Though I already ate during lunch, I’m full so I’ll eat this tomorrow”

Dahyun’s face deflates. “Oh”

Before guilt eats her up, she stands to put the soup in a microwaveable container and places it inside the fridge. Once she closes it, she sees the bills on top of each other, all in red with a big **DISCONNECTION NOTICE** plastered in each one. She sighs.

“Don’t worry. I’m getting my paycheck in the restaurant on the 30th. I’ll take care of it”

“Didn’t I tell you that I don’t like you working there?” Sana can’t help it as she raises her voice. It was an old rusty excuse of a restaurant where Dahyun works as a waitress with sleazy old men trying to hit on women like Dahyun and she hates it. She hates it very much.

“Baby I know but we already discussed this. We need the money. I promise I’ll get off as soon as you land a job, I swear”

“So it’s my fault?”

“Sana I never said that” She looks at Dahyun, looks at her hands. The once soft hands, now starting to get filled with callouses. Her skin with oil stains. She can’t look at her right now so she averts her eyes.

“Maybe we can ask Momo or Mina-“

Sana cuts her off “I already told you, they will never hire me. Their parents are investors of my dad’s company, they can never let me in”

“But they are your friends Sana, can you just try?”

She tries to shake of the frustration “No because I already know the answer. And I don’t like you questioning my decisions Dahyun. I get it that you want to help but don’t poke your nose on things where you’re unwanted”

“Sana, I didn’t mean to. I’m sorry I should-“ Dahyun gets up trying to reach her as Sana swats her hands away.

“I’m going to bed” She leaves her at the table.

She loves Dahyun, she really does. But this one bedroom apartment, infested with roaches, her heels which she always uses for interviews, the way she’s tired all the time, how she barely eats, the bills, it’s all taking a toll on her. It’s just too much.

She opens her laptop to check her savings account, they are barely scraping by, they never use any money on other things except the needed expenses but it’s all draining too fast. She needs to land a job soon or they will be homeless in two months. It frustrates her to no end.

She opens her Outlook account and sees an e-mail from Mina with Momo carbon copied. She hasn’t talked to them for a while, not that she has anything to say. 

_Dear Sana,_

_How have you been? You haven’t been responding to our messages for months. We asked Dahyun but she wouldn’t say anything that you wouldn’t want her to say._

_Anyway, Dahyun sent us an e-mail last month asking if we could land her a job, but you know the situation. We don’t hire part timers but we (me and Momo) both have a slot opened for you which matches your job preference if you’re interested._

_I know we should have reached out sooner but we had to discuss things with our parents and prepare things. Don’t worry about your dad, we have it covered. We always have your back. We admire your independence and your decision, but it wouldn’t be so bad to ask for help once in a while, one we’re very willing to offer._

_Get back to us soon! We miss you very much._

_Love,_

_Mina and Momo (who misses you very much) xx_

_P.S. Momo got a dog named Boo, pray for him_

_P.P.S HE’S FINE AND HEALTHY!!! – BOO’S MOM_

Sana closes her laptop lid. She hears Dahyun doing the dishes outside. She waits for her to stop whatever she’s doing. She hears her rustling, probably getting her jacket. She hears footsteps outside their bedroom door.

“Sana, I’m leaving” Dahyun softly says as she retreats.

When Sana finally hears the doors close, she burst into tears.

* * *

_“Sana are you going to choose your pride over her? Is that what’s important here?”_

_“Let me tell her. I’ll tell her. Please Mina you have to listen. You can’t tell Momo. Promise, everything’s going to be fine. I’ll make things right. Please listen, just please listen” She begs on her knees as she holds Mina’s hands. Begging and begging and begging._

As Sana revisits their old apartment, she sees that it was more run-down than it used to be but it wasn’t so bad. It was never so bad that she had to hurt Dahyun over it.

She wished Mina didn’t listen. She wished Mina betrayed her. Maybe then something could have changed.

* * *

“Good morning babe!” Sana says as she greets Dahyun who had freshly woken up. She sees the surprise on her face.

“You’re cooking? Pancakes?”

“They’re eggs but yes I’m cooking!” She hands over the plate to Dahyun which the latter gobbles up no questions asked. Sana takes one to put on her plate and takes a taste, she doubles over and vomits it right back to the plate.

“That’s salty, how could you eat that?”

Dahyun laughs. “You made it. It’s delicious” She takes the burnt eggs on her plates and eat it as well.

“You’re weird”

“I know” Dahyun smirks. “So why are you in a good mood today?”

“I’ll tell you tonight at dinner. Don’t stay up too late!”

“What? You’re making me excited. I have exams today though but I’ll try my best to get home early”

“That’s good! I’ll be seeing you?” Sana rounds the corner and places a kiss on the top of Dahyun’s head before she says her goodbyes and leaves.

Sana has a job interview schedule today and decides it will be her last. If this doesn’t work out or if they offer her a minimum wage pay then she’ll definitely reply to Mina and Momo. They’ll get over this slump, everything will go well and things will go back to what it used to be.

She arrives at a medium rise office with employees rushing from left to right. She gets in the elevator and presses the floor for the applicant’s lounge. She gets in and sees that there was no one waiting.

A secretary eyes her from the door, “Miss Minatozaki?”

“Ah. Yes that’s me. I thought I was on the wrong floor”

“No, you’re right on time. Head to that door farthest to your right. Just announce your presence and she’ll let you in” Sana nods and does what she’s told.

“Come in” She’s surprised with how sweet the voice was but lets herself in.

It surprises her that the CEO was a woman, very beautiful. Commanding. Her name was Sunmi.

Sana sits down at the opposite chair.

“How many job interviews have you done?”

“This is my 35th failed attempt miss”

“That we don’t know of yet” She smiles.

“I’ll be frank with you. The only reason you’re not getting job offers is because of your last name. You’re blacklisted in almost every company that has a major connection with your father” She hands over her a piece of paper, it was a memorandum that a certain Minatozaki Sana was not to be accepted at all costs. Signed her father’s name. Miss Sunmi’s signature left blank. It all made sense now, she tries to keep her anger in.

She eyes her curiously. “So why am I here?”

“Your father wanted you to get interviews but fail them to hurt your ego so I asked you to come. But seeing you, I think I’ll change my mind”

“Why?”

“I’m no pawn of your father, his connection means nothing to me”

“So you’re giving me a job offer?”

“I can’t pay you for the job you’re asking, especially since you’re just a new hire with no previous experience. What I can give you is an open position as my secretary, minimum wage. Are you in or not?” She smiles and Sana tries her best not to get swayed by it.

“I accept” Too late.

In the same day she started her job. There wasn’t too much to do except menial tasks. Nothing she can’t handle, photocopying a few papers, running errands, making too many phone calls, patching in reminders. She was ecstatic to get home and tell Dahyun that she actually landed a job, her father isn’t dead yet but she could foresee him rolling in his grave.

When the clock strikes seven. Miss Sunmi offers her a ride home, she accepts because she wants to save bus fare.

“The Champ’s yard?” Sunmi questions as she types in the address on her GPS.

“My girlfriend works there, I was thinking we could go home together”

“Oh. That’s cute” Sunmi smiles and they talked about mundane things on their way.

A full twenty minutes later, they arrive at the place. She spots Dahyun right away in her waitress uniform, it was skimpier than she remembers it to be. She smiles at the customers and Sana sees one guy eyeing her up and down while she takes their orders. He pulls her into his lap and laughs, then Sana was immediately unbuckling her seatbelt ready to smack the lights out of him when Sunmi reaches out for her arm.

“She can take care of herself”

“You don’t understand. She needs me” She says in frantic trying to leave.

“Doesn’t she need that job? Don’t you guys need that job?”

It’s like splashing cold water to Sana’s face. They do need that job. Even with Sana getting a job now, it still isn’t enough. It won’t be enough to pay for everything. If only she took Momo and Mina’s job offer instead.

_No no no._ She feels a headache come in.

“You can drive and let me off the corner”

“You won’t do anything stupid?”

“I won’t Miss Sunmi. Just. Thank you but I need to get some air” They drive away but she still stares at Dahyun. How she fights him off. Then a bartender comes and smacks the guys head. She can’t bring herself to celebrate, it hurts. Everything hurts.

She finally says goodbye to Miss Sunmi. Now she stares into the pavement. She doesn’t want to go home. Doesn’t have anywhere to go. She crouches down.

_I’m so tired._

“Hey” She sees a pretty face sitting down beside her.

“What’s your name?”

“None of your business”

“Okay. Miss none of your business. You have a lighter?”

“I don’t smoke” She doesn’t try to hide her frustration.

“That’s good. I hate people who smoke, their breath stinks. It’s disgusting to kiss them”

The audacity of this woman. Is she flirting? She looks around and sees that she was hanging around in front of a strip club. Great. Just great.

“I have a girlfriend”

“And so?” She leans in a bit closer.

“What the fuck is wrong with you? I am not interested! And I have no money to pay you so just fucking leave!” She shouts in an outburst, no one was there to hear anyway but it felt good to get it out of her chest.

The girl finally stands up and Sana sighs in relief.

Then she feels the weight of the other on her back. Her chest pressing on.

“Well, lucky for you. I’m pretty damn rich tonight. I could even pay you”

She wraps her arms around Sana. Her other hand lazily tracing her arms. It made Sana shiver. She tried to get her off by standing up.

“Look. I don’t know what you’re on but I really am not interested, and I have to leave so-“

The woman pulls her and suddenly slams her on the wall. She kisses her with so much vigor even when Sana tried to pull back she ~~wouldn’t~~. She couldn’t.

“I’ll make it all go away. No strings attached. I can make you forget. Everything, just everything” The woman rubs her and god help her, she moans. How long has it been since she and Dahyun had done it?

She erases the thoughts away. “Everything?”

The woman smirks. “Everything”

They proceed inside. Before she knew it, their clothes were gone. The woman started to ride her but she overpowers her and had her underneath.

“We do this on my terms” The woman nods. “On your knees”

She closes her eyes and pushes into her. And she does forget. The new experience heightens her carnal desires as she lets go of anything emotional.

_Her debts._

_The bills._

_The job rejections._

_The low paying job that was way below her skillset._

_Mina and Momo._

_Chaeyoung and Tzuyu._

_Her fucking dad._

_Dahyun’s tuition fee._

_Dahyun’s calloused hands._

_Dahyun’s tired gaze._

_Dahyun’s constant worrying over her._

_Dahyun doesn’t need her. She needs Dahyun._

_Dahyun._

_Dahyun._

_Dahyun._

_Dahyun._

_Dahyun._

_Dahyun._

_Dahyun._

_Sana’s biggest disappointment – herself._

She lets it all go as she pushes into her further and closes her eyes. The other lets out a moan which turns her off, she doesn’t want to hear her so she muffles her mouth with her hand.

“Shut up or I’ll stop” The effect was instantaneous.

She doesn’t remember how many rounds they did but wakes up to see the other woman carefully trying to put her clothes on. She sees the new formed bruises on her skin.

She grabs her wrist. “You said you’ll pay me”

“huh?” The woman looks at her questioningly.

“You said you’re so damn rich you can pay me. Well pay up! Or have you forgotten with how hard I f-cked you last night?”

The woman chuckles. “You know, you’re so different when you’re asleep”

She leaves the money on the counter and leaves. Sana has never felt so dirty. She picks up the bills anyway and grabs her clothes. She cleans herself thoroughly in the bathtub, more than ten times that her skin was turning red. She sees her blouse with a red lipstick stain on the collar, she tries to clean it off with soap but it just won’t come off.

Dahyun should know what to do-

Dahyun. Shit.

She tasted salt on her lips. Was she crying? She doesn’t know anymore. Her feelings are all whack. She wears the wet blouse on her way out. Dropped by to a mall, ignoring the looks she received. She buys a new blouse and throws her old one in the public bathroom.

She finally looks at her phone. It was 8AM. She sees a hundred missed calls from Dahyun aside from her texts. She reads the very first one.

**[My Dahyunnie <3 3:07 AM]**

Baby. You worried me. Good thing Miss Sunmi texted me. I hope you’re okay. Text me when you’re done. And oh, congrats on the job offer! I knew you could do it. I’m so so proud of you for doing it on your own. I’m sorry for being pushy on you these past weeks. I know how hard you’ve been trying. If you come home early then maybe you’ve got a little surprise waiting for you. 😉 I love you very much Kim Sana.

**[Kim Sana <3 8:30 AM]**

I’m so sorry baby. I’m fine. I have to work though. Can’t wait for the surprise! I love you too. 

**[Unknown Number 11:45 PM]**

Sana. This is Sunmi. I went back to check on you just in case you did something stupid but I saw you with a friend? I think? I know I shouldn’t meddle into personal affairs but with how it looked like last night……Anyway she was in your emergency contacts so I told her you were accepted in the company and drank your ass off at the company dinner. And that you slept at the office. I don’t know what time you’ll wake up but get back in the office as soon as you can. I have a meeting tomorrow.

**[Pretty Sana 8:30 AM]**

Thank you so much Miss Sunmi. I apologize for my behavior so please don’t fire me just yet. I’m on my way. 

She sighs in relief but was drowned in confusion. She figures the thoughts will be dealt with in another time, she hails a cab and grabs some sleep on the way.

That night awakened something in Sana that she can no longer take back. It was meaningless but it started her spiral. The desire to hurt as much as she has been. And she did end up successful, hurting anyone on her path but those undeserving of the pain, they weren’t left out.

* * *

Sana drives over the club three times before she sees her. The girl with no name.

She goes down from her Lexus and waits for the other woman to notice her. She never does. Like she purposely avoids her.

Sana was relentless, she goes up to her. “Hey I thought you didn’t smoke”

“Do I know you?” She would give her an acting award if she could.

“Stop faking. I’m not stupid”

“Well what do you want? A good fuck?” The woman tries to land her arm on her and she immediately recoils.

“Don’t ever do that again” She says, poison in her voice. The woman stood frozen.

“You said you were so rich that night. What made you rich? Who paid you?”

“I don’t know what you’re talking about”

Sana turns to the crowd in front of her, clearly waiting for their turn. She shouts, “This woman has STD! She gave me one so I’m confronting her! Run away!” The group of people immediately dispersed.

“What are you doing? They are my customers. What the heck!”

Sana inches closer. “You tell me now. Honestly. Or I swear I will ruin your life. I will come here every single day. I will post ads with your face on it saying you have STD. Look into my eyes and see if I’m joking”

The woman carefully looks her in the eye. She doesn’t budge.

“I’ll pay you three-fold of what they offered” She sees her eyes carefully glancing sideways.

Ah. Of course, money talks.

“I don’t know his name. He was wearing dark glasses. I couldn’t really make out his face. I swear”

“Tell me one thing. Do we have the same nose?”

“I-“

“1 Million Won. I’m asking you again. Do we have the same nose?” Sana grits her teeth. She keeps her arms on her side.

“Yes, yes. Without a doubt. That was the only thing I could remember”

“What did he offer you?”

“He said to seduce you because you were going through a lot and he wanted to be nice. I couldn’t deny his offer, I needed the money so I tried my luck”

Sana shakily takes out a million won from her pocket shoving it to the other woman, making sure she doesn’t touch her.

She feels so sick. She was tempted. Her own father. How could he hurt her this much? She gets back to her car and opens the glove compartment. She holds the velvet box and holds it tightly in her palms.

Dahyun, I’m so sorry. God. I’m so sorry.

* * *

Sana finds herself waiting at an entertainment company on the outskirts of Seoul. Waiting for someone she might be familiar with. Just as she was about to leave, she recognizes the woman with her bob cut like hair. She spots her in the crowd. She really just wanted to see her that’s all.

But then she notices her back. She waves her friends off and walks towards her direction. Sana was nervous, her feet planted on the ground.

“What are you doing here?”

“I just wanted to see you…. Uh. Unnie” She says nervously.

The other rolls her eyes. “Stop calling me that. Have you eaten?”

“No, I was just-“

“Come on” She leaves her without hearing her response back. Sana follows her anyway.

They settle down on a café nearby. Generic but the food tasted well. She tried her best to eat.

“You’ve finally found me. How?”

“The Chairman gave me your address” Nayeon smirks at that.

“The Chairman? Your father you mean. Surprised he has it. My good for nothing mom must have had her hand in it. So why are you here?”

“I was just curious. I wanted to see you”

“Well I can’t blame you. I went to see you too”

“Really? When?” Sana didn’t try to mask her excitement.

“It doesn’t matter” Nayeon shrugs. “I heard that you caused quite the trouble”

“Well,”

Nayeon doesn’t let her finish “Only heir of the ever powerful Minatozaki, leaving her father’s clutches to have a tryst with an unnamed woman. It was once the hottest gossip among the rich. You made quite the fuss”

_At least they had the audacity to censor Dahyun’s name._

“I never wanted to make a fuss. I just wanted to leave quietly”

“You’re a Minatozaki. It will forever hang around you. Don’t think you can run away. Even if you get married and have your name changed legally, you are and will always be what you are” Nayeon says seriously.

“I don’t know what you came here for. Advice or whatever. But let me remind you. I am not your sister. I am not like you. I am not a Minatozaki. I am an Im, I take pride in that and I will take Minatozaki down. Even you. We are rivals so stop playing around and act like it!”

She wasn’t sure if Nayeon was encouraging her, threatening her or both. She oddly finds it comforting.

“I’ve already decided. It just isn’t meant for me”

Nayeon stands up. “Well then, you’re just nothing to me”

It catches her by surprise, and she didn’t really have anything to say.

Nayeon hands over some bills which was way beyond their meal. She tries to give her back some of the bills but the latter just shakes her head.

“You look like you need it. Get yourself some decent heels.” Sana looks at her worn out heels and blushes. “If you don’t want to feel embarrassed in the future, eat your pride and move back in. He will destroy you Sana. You know it. You were an investment to him. No woman is ever going to be worth your sanity”

With that, Nayeon leaves and Sana was left to eat alone.

* * *

_“You have it on your hands but you keep letting it go. Sana, was it worth it?”_

You told me to let her go Nayeon. You said no woman was ever going to be worth it.

So why are you taking her for yourself?

_It wasn’t worth it. Never was. Never will be. Because Dahyun isn’t some woman. She was THE woman._

* * *

They were lying on the couch watching some TV on the cable. Dahyun with her back on Sana’s chest. Sana’s left leg wrapped around Dahyun.

“Hey Babe”

Sana hums.

“A recruiter went up to me the other day”

“Like for insurance?”

“No. Like a scout. Talent scout”

“For piano?” Sana shifts her focus from the TV to Dahyun. She turns it off completely.

Dahyun turns around. “For Kpop. They gave me their card so I can be an Idol”

“What? That sounds sketchy. Are you sure?”

“Yes. It’s one of the top three companies. I verified it on the internet”

“That’s cool. So, what’s up with it?”

“I want to try” Dahyun says with excitement in her eyes.

“But you have school!” Sana sits up and pulls Dahyun along.

“I’ll stop”

“What? Dahyun you are two semesters away. You can’t stop”

Dahyun takes both of her hands.

“Sana, I know we’ve been trying so hard. I barely made it out alive last semester. We’re stretching our money thin. They said I’ll get paid even if I don’t get to debut, I can play piano. Once we save up, I can start going to University again. I don’t want you working too hard. Please Sana, can you think it over?”

“Dahyun, I work a 9 to 5 job. It’s barely anything.” Sana stops as she thinks it over. Dahyun can finally stop doing her waitress job at Champ’s. She sighs.

The same day, she resigned at her waitress job. A week later, Dahyun was signed at JYP Entertainment. 3 months later, she debuted.

7 months after, Sana did it again.

It’s not like Sana intended it. She was on her way to see Dahyun, when she sees a familiar face dropping her off in his van. They left their old apartment and have gotten a nice house in a decent part of Seoul. She was kept on the down low. No one was to know that Dahyun was living with her since it would destroy her career. The village had nice security, so nice that even the ever so popular Cha Eunwoo could drop her off.

Dahyun smiles and waves him off. She sees Sana on the opposite side, she nods and motions her inside.

“So Cha Eunwoo?” Sana starts.

“Yeah. He had some business around town and I thought I could save some gas money and pay for these instead. They’re premium” She hands her favorite cheese gimbap.

She snobs them. “I can buy them myself”

“Oh baby. Are you jealous?” Dahyun wraps both arms around Sana’s neck and leans in for a kiss.

“You know we were friends and he is and always will be just a friend. I’m in love with you Sana. Don’t you ever forget that”

Take that Eunwoo. You might be handsome but Dahyun’s not into that, she’s into pretty girls like me.

Sana smiles into the kiss. It escalates quickly as Dahyun sneaks a hand under her shirt. Sana’s mind goes in overdrive as she tries to gently push her away.

“Baby, I’m sorry. I love you but I’m tired”

Dahyun sulks. “You’re always tired. Are we having an early bed death?”

Sana laughs. “No baby. I’m just really tired. Swamped with work. I’m up for some cuddles though?”

Thankfully Dahyun doesn’t pry any further and just goes up to prepare their bath. Sana hasn’t been intimate with Dahyun since the unspeakable happened. It must be the guilt eating her up. It’s not that she’s not feeling a desire, but she’s afraid that she’ll hurt Dahyun. She’s afraid to be vulnerable and that she’d end up saying something she shouldn’t have. She’s grateful that Dahyun hasn’t caught on to her yet because she was always tired as well, flying in and out of the country.

Everything was going well. She has never seen Dahyun this happy, she discovered something new about herself that she truly enjoys. Everything was finally turning up. They were going to be fine. No need to tell her anything. As long as she stays good.

The next day, she sees Dahyun’s name on the front page of Naver along with Eunwoo’s name. Apparently they were seen at the airport earlier this morning saying Hi to each other. She reads the comments on the articles saying that they looked good together. She grips her mouse and tries but ultimately fails, sending hate comments, saying that Dahyun was too good for him. Her comments were of course thumbed down by DahWoo supporters. That’s apparently their _ship name_ and Sana was seething on her seat.

“Using work hours for personal business Sana?”

Sana was startled and closed her browser immediately. “Sorry Miss Sunmi, I was just”

“It’s okay. It’s past your work hours already. I’ll drive you home?” 

She takes up on the offer because she was embarrassed.

“You live in a nice place. Your girlfriend’s doing well it seems?”

Sunmi comments as they enter the village. The comment didn’t sit well with her. It feels like she’s living off Dahyun when originally, she wanted to provide for her, she was supposed to be that person for Dahyun.

“Yes” She says quietly instead.

They arrive near her house and she sees a familiar black van parked on their driveway. The master’s bedroom lights were on. The rest were turned off. She sees their silhouette.

“Looks like someone’s having fun”

“Shut up” She stopped caring at this point.

“Excuse me?”

“Get me drunk in an hour or I’ll change my mind” She sees the expression from Sunmi’s face from surprise to wicked.

She takes them to a club. Buying shots for Sana left and right. They grind on the dance floor, Sunmi’s hands exploring Sana’s body. She lets her.

When she asks her if she wanted to leave, she simply nodded.

They enter Sunmi’s house and left a trail of clothes on the floor. Each piece falling one by one. Breaths heaving. They don’t make it to the second floor.

“Stop. Let’s do it here” Motioning on the staircase.

“What?” Sunmi had her eyes wide.

“Do you want me or what?”

“Yes” Sunmi says out of breath.

“On your knees” Sana says on command.

Then it was a replay all over again.

She goes back home at 7AM in the morning. She doesn’t know how to face her. She doesn’t care. She didn’t even check her phone. With the stunt she pulled with Eunwoo, she better not even be in this house or else Sana doesn’t know what she’d do.

She gets inside and it was completely quiet. The bedroom door was open. She stops herself from shaking.

She steps inside. She sees a big “Happy Anniversary!” preserved sand on their bed. Deflated balloons everywhere, their walls plastered with signs. A big beach umbrella, volleyball, a sand pool on her feet. It was copy version of Hawaii.

Her knees give up as she slumps on the floor. Dahyun who was sitting on the bed rouses from her sleep and goes to her immediately.

“Sana where were you? I called you a hundred times last night. You weren’t picking up. Miss Sunmi didn’t either…..”

“A team party. We were all drunk. Sorry. Dahyun what’s all this?”

Dahyun pinched her cheek. “You should have told me I was so worried. I texted you several times yesterday. And this!”

She stands up. “Happy Anniversary Sana! I know you’ve wanted to go to Hawaii forever and I know I’ve been busy, I’m really sorry. So I thought why not bring Hawaii to you? I got help from Eunwoo, I texted you for permission yesterday but you weren’t responding and I really wanted to bring this sand over but it was so heavy and I didn’t have anyone and he was the only one there and wait-”

Dahyun takes her cheeks into her hands “Oh my god Sana. Are you crying?”

To say Sana was crying, was definitely an understatement. She was straight on bawling on her shoulder. She has fucked up, yet again. Because she was too rash. Because she was a complete idiot. Because she was too Sana. Because Dahyun was too good for her.

“I’m sorry Dahyun I forgot, I’m so sorry” _Among a lot of other things._

Dahyun hugs her and assures her, “It’s fine. I forget too sometimes. We’ve been doing this as long as I can remember. It isn’t a big deal. Please don’t cry. I love you so much. I didn’t mean to make you cry!”

“I-I love you t-too” Sana tries to say it back. Desperately.

“I don’t know if this will make you cry more, but I actually bought us tickets to Hawaii. It’s still set on our Anniversary next year but hey. Something to look forward to right?” Dahyun shines. And Sana can’t help but shine with her.

* * *

_“Sana? What does happiness mean to you?”_

_“It means marrying you, living with you in Hawaii. Having our family, our own little children, little Dahyun’s who have the same heart as you”_

_“I won’t mind little devilish Sana’s if they are as kind as you”_

_“Dahyun that’s a contradiction”_

_“Much like we are”_

_It was moments like this, after she had just cheated that lets her dwell in all the self-inflicted pain. The moments that made her happy would resurface, the memories she treasured the most are also the same one which pushes her into oblivion. She would close her eyes and retreat to a flashback of memories that only ever lives in her dreams._

They never did go. She holds the two tickets in her hands as she finally makes her way home.

* * *

But the thing is, Sana doesn’t stop. Not for the following weeks, not for the following months. She doesn’t let go of Sunmi. She does her in the penthouse, in her house, inside the pantry, everywhere they could think of.

She couldn’t get enough of her. Was she in love with her? Definitely not. Was she horny? Debatable. Was she confused as hell and needed to shut the voices in her head? She gets the answer.

The thing with cheating is, you don’t do it to make yourself feel good. You do it because it makes you feel bad. It’s all this pain that Sana craves, she wanted to hurt as much as she’s hurt Dahyun. She’s not stupid. She knows she’s hurting Dahyun but she takes refuge in the fact that the other doesn’t know, not yet. This is when Sana started to live in her mind. In a delusion that all secrets are kept, when she knows it isn’t. She can’t voice it out loud. She can’t own up to it either. So she stays right where she is, living her day to day as if it’s normal, as if nothing was wrong.

She believes in her delusions, and in that make-believe world, Dahyun believes them as well. She lives with Dahyun, she wakes up to her, kisses her goodnight but she no longer sees her as the person that she is. The Dahyun she sees is the one before everything went to hell. The Dahyun from her teens. Before her parents died.

”A penny for your thoughts?” Sunmi says as she climbs off her lap.

“It’s nothing. Do you still need me?” She glances at the clock. It was 6PM.

“No, you can go” She starts to stand up when she heard her secretary motion someone in.

She sits back down. “I thought you were going?”

Sana kind of liked it that she was the new favorite and everyone in the office knew. It gave her some superiority. She liked the power. She says smugly, “I can stay for a bit. I know they wouldn’t mind. With how loud you were moaning, I’m sure everybody knows by now”

“Oh Hi Miss Myoui”

Sana shifts on her seat. Mina was looking at her directly, like she’s seen a ghost.

She was the first one to know.

“Mina listen, it was a mistake” Sana tries to pick up her strides in order to catch up to Mina.

“It didn’t look like it was a mistake to me”

“Mina just, just listen” She grabs her by the arm.

“Sana what’s actually going on with you? Don’t you love Dahyun anymore?”

“I do. I do Mina. You know I do”

“Then what are you doing?” She presses a finger on her chest to make her point.

“I just need some time to make things right I promise”

“Sana are you going to choose your pride over her? Is that what’s important here?”

“Let me tell her. I’ll tell her. Please Mina you have to listen. You can’t tell Momo, she’ll tell Chaeyoung. Promise, everything’s going to be fine. I’ll make things right. Please listen, just please listen” She begs on her knees as she holds Mina’s hands. Begging and begging and begging.

Mina pulls her hand eventually. “You have until tomorrow. Say it or I will”

Sana doesn’t push through with it. She leaves Mina on read the next day. The last ounce of pity Mina had for her was spent on not telling Dahyun, the consequence was their friendship. The next time she calls Mina, she was blocked.

Sana can’t face the fact that she hurt Dahyun, that she’s still hurting her. Not _her_ Dahyun. She loves her so much but why can’t she stop?

If she tells Dahyun, she has to see her break. Has to see her cry and Sana can’t accept it. She didn’t want to hurt her. She doesn’t want to. But she’s stuck in her cycle of self-loathing. She hurts Dahyun so she can hurt herself, inflict pain in the deepest crevices in her heart, to make herself feel worthless, unlovable, to make herself feel that she doesn’t deserve Dahyun.

It’s the telling of the story when Dahyun hears Sana’s confession the first time. She can’t imagine the hurt that would go through her face. It’s not the thought of her leaving, it’s having front row seat to witness Dahyun crumble under her words, self-realization and the thought that she made Dahyun feel less of a woman. Because Dahyun even in half of her entirety, will never fall less to what she is. Lest, she even makes Sana feel more to herself than what she actually is.

That’s why she stays unmoving. Not wanting to hurt her but hurting her all the same. It’s pathetic and stupid and a mistake. But she does it over and over again. She can’t lose Dahyun. She loves her so much.

“Are you Minatozaki Sana?” She sees police in uniforms breaking her trance.

“Yes I am” They cuff her.

“You are under arrest as accessory to crime of Miss Lee Sunmi” She struggles as they lead her to her car while reciting her rights.

She finds herself in the police station 10 minutes later. Apparently, Lee Sunmi was hiding a drug den under the legal provision of her company that’s why she was very hard to scope out. One of the witnesses resurfaced pointing her and Sunmi as the main dealers for the den. Sana denied vehemently of course. She never dabbled in any drug related transactions.

She couldn’t call Dahyun but she needed to call a lawyer. She called Momo. She arrived 30 minutes later with Chaeyoung.

“Momo, why would you bring Chaeyoung?”

“Well, hello to you too. I was with her so I couldn’t stop her from coming. I called Mina but she said she was busy. Don’t worry Sana, I’ll get this sorted out. I know all of the famous lawyers in this country”

Sana sighs but was still fidgety around Chaeyoung even when she gives her a hug. The lawyer arrives 10 minutes later and Sana asks if they could discuss in private. Momo gives her a side eye but lets her go.

“Good thing I know the chief here so I had a peak with their evidences. The evidences are weak if we can just clarify your relationship with Sunmi”

“Excuse me?” She shifts in her seat.

“They have very damning evidence that you two were, at least dating?-“

“We weren’t”

“- There were pictures of you two in compromising positions and recordings even. We can settle that and then it’s all good. There was nothing pointing you to drugs. You just have to tell me where you were at the time when the transactions happened and it’s good. So?”

“I have to admit that I had something with Sunmi?”

“That’s right. And you also need to have a cover as to why you’re not with her during the times where you weren’t. Not that you need a cover, just mention a boyfriend or girlfriend or just anyone you’re dating that can testify in court”

She buries her face in her hands. “I can’t do that. There must be some other way? Can you please. I can’t let my girlfriend into this. There must be some other way”

“I believe there’s no other way Miss Minatozaki. If you can’t do this, I won’t be able to help you. You have two hours to decide” The lawyer stands up.

“Please don’t tell Momo” She begs again.

“You know I can’t do that Miss Sana. I work for her and she has to know. That you’ll probably get jail time if you refuse to cooperate”

An angry Chaeyoung storms inside the private room. She can’t look at her in the face. She knows that tiny body has amassed enough anger for half of mankind. It strangely calms her down, she’s finally getting what she deserves.

“Is it true?” Her heart softens. Even after all the evidence, Chaeyoung would still ask. Have a bit of trust on her, that she would never do wrong. And she thought so too, but that was too long ago she doesn’t remember the last time she believed in herself anymore.

She stays quiet. A tiny but powerful fist meets her cheek. She falls off her chair.

“Chaeyoung!” Momo tries to hold her back.

“So that’s why you couldn’t call her huh? And here I thought you were so concerned that she’d get stressed working her bones in Japan so she could save for your fucking Hawaii trip, but it turns out you were having fun with your boss and didn’t want to get caught!”

“How could you do that to her Sana? She loves you. Oh god” Chaeyoung turns around to Momo.

“Momo, she loves her so much. She loves her so much. She’s going to break her. It’s Dahyun. How could she” She cries on Momo’s shoulder as the other caresses her head. “I know. I know Chaeyoung I’m sorry”

Sana meets Momo’s eyes. There was a lot of hurt and disappointment. Anger she can’t find yet. She was apologizing to Chaeyoung in her stead because for some reason Sana can’t say it out loud.

They eventually leave the room as they wait for her decision. As much as they hate her, they don’t want Sana to go to prison and yet when the lawyer sees her after two hours, she still says no. A forlorn Momo leaves, Chaeyoung walked out on her, not even sparing a glance. She was probably glad that Sana was getting jail time.

A man in an expensive Tux and Oxford shoes arrive half an hour later.

“Took you long enough to call me. I say you have guts kid” She stares up and was surprised to see that it was the Chairman himself. She has forgotten what his voice sounded like.

“Let’s go, the car’s waiting”

“But the case-“

“Taken care of”

“Dahyun’s name-”

“Taken care of. Her name shall not be mentioned in any of this. You both don’t need to testify in court or say anything else on this matter. Trust me when I say that everything has been dealt with. I never go back on my word, so I hope you never go back on yours”

Sana nods. They get inside the car.

“This is what I’m talking about Sana. This is what power looks like. The way you felt inside that place when you thought you were going to prison? There’s no need to feel that way. I can go in and out of prison any day and I know I’m going to get out each time. Power is what few of us possess, luckily you have it by birth. Power is what you need if you want to have affairs without anyone knowing. Make use of it” He smirks. 

Sana changes the conversation. “The terms”

“Quick to the chase as always, like me. These are fairly easy terms. I went easy because we’re bound by blood” The Chairman’s energy was sucking the air out of her.

“First, you are to go back to the manor, I have one specifically made for you, somewhere I can monitor you when I need you. You can bring Dahyun if you wish, or Sunmi or both” He laughs. Sana clenches her fist.

“Second, you are to take over the company whenever I decide to step down, you can’t say no or else you’ll be stripped out of everything, permanently this time. Of course, you have to finish your law studies and help out the company to prove your worth. Goal is to be the DA in four years. I’ll help you, it’s going to be a breeze. This isn’t even bad, free scholarship, this is more of a deficit on my part especially with the stunt you pulled”

She nods.

“Lastly, Dahyun’s to stop pursuing her career as an Idol, work in our company and also choose a guardian that I will recommend”

“You can’t do that. It’s Dahyun’s decision to make! I asked for your help because I didn’t want her name to get dragged in my mess and stop herself from pursuing her dreams. Please reconsider”

She was close to kneeling. She can’t do this. Not to Dahyun. Anyone but her.

“Exactly Sana. You took the words out of my mouth. It’s Dahyun’s decision to make. She doesn’t have to choose you. She can just turn her back on you, her name’s already out of this mess. I won’t take that back. This is the choice she has to make if she wants to be with you. Let’s go”

She realizes that she’s on their driveway. A Lamborghini catching her attention. Momo is here. Oh no.

They step inside and the first sight sees is Dahyun’s concerned eyes.

_No no no no. You’re supposed to hate me. Dahyun no!_

Dahyun immediately engulfs her in a hug. “Are you okay? What happened to your cheek?”

Sana couldn’t say anything and was just profusely apologizing.

“I wouldn’t want to break your reunion but you can continue that at home” The chairman steps in.

“Home?” Chaeyoung and Dahyun says in unison. The chairman repeats the terms said to Sana.

“Dahyun if you go you’re stupid” Chaeyoung says with teary eyes. “She has hurt you enough. She doesn’t deserve you. Choose yourself this time. Please. Let her go”

Dahyun keeps her head down.

“If you choose her, you’re going to lose me, Momo, Tzuyu, Mina. Everyone. We’ll hide away. You’ll never see us again. Or you can choose us, and I promise you, we will always be here for you and love you no matter what. We’ll give you the love you deserve. Dahyun. Listen to me” Chaeyoung was full on crying now, cupping Dahyun’s face.

“You need to be happy too. You need to be” Momo stands by her side and holds her arms in support while Sana watches on the side.

“Chae, I’m sorry” The whole mood sours then. Sana can’t believe what she’s hearing.

That ultimately ends everything. Dahyun’s career, all her friendships, the rights to the company her parents built, everything she has ever worked for and loved. Only to have Sana, who couldn’t even love her properly.

Sana cried all the way to their new home while Dahyun held her tight.

* * *

Dahyun, I hope you didn’t love me.

I hope you never ever met me.

I hope you said no.

I was the worst thing that could have ever happened to you.

But I love you. I love you. I love you. So much. So so much.

Sana recites over and over as she breathes in and out in her car.

Every time I breathe it reminds me of you.

* * *

Everything went back to their new semblance of normal. And by normal, it means Sana went back to her own vices.

She was an attorney in the morning, a cheater at night. The only thing that has changed? She was very discreet about it. She learned the art of how to take care of her business in a way that Dahyun would never know.

She always gets home at 8PM sharp, even though she gets off at 5PM. Her secretary was told that if Dahyun calls, she would always tell her that Sana gets off at 7PM so her timetables would match. If anything comes up, the secretary should alert her immediately. It was going well.

The intimacy was still absent but she tries to forego her desires for a week or until she was horny enough so that she can do it with Dahyun and the other wouldn’t feel as deprived. Even then Sana felt so unlike herself.

She makes sure to have dinner with her, takes her out to fancy dates. Everything she needs except they don’t talk, not like they used to. But it was nothing time can manage, Sana’s sure everything will turn up soon, they just need more time. She just needs more time.

She finds out soon enough that Nayeon was already working in the company. She pulls some strings and have her and Dahyun work together so she can monitor them easier. She has taken an interest in Nayeon, on how she works. If she’s trying to take Minatozaki down and pins her as her rival then it’s only right that she should be aware of her movements.

What she didn’t expect was that Nayeon would eventually strike friendship with Dahyun. On odd times, where she couldn’t pick her up because she was busy in a new escapade. She’d already find Nayeon driving Dahyun home. She checks Nayeon’s address and it was the opposite side of the town they were living in. She smiles as she tries on an experiment.

“Hey baby” Dahyun smiles as she feels Sana’s arms wrap around her, “I got you this ring.”

She tenses as Dahyun gets all excited. “It’s just a promise ring” She visibly deflates.

“Just not yet.” She kisses her hand, ”One day though”

“Okay” Dahyun kisses her back. 

“How about we take a picture to commemorate this? I’ll take yours, you’ll take mine yeah?”

Dahyun does as she’s told. Sana fumbles with her phone.

“What are you doing?”

Sana shyly shows her the picture she set as Dahyun’s lock screen was herself and changes her own to Dahyun as well.

“You’re so cringey”

Sana smiles and hugs her tight. “Only for you”

The next week was a blast. Nayeon obviously noticed the lock screen and the ring. She tried her best to avoid Dahyun at all costs. Checkmate.

Sana would often visit the bar Nayeon frequents with her friends. Showing her how much power she has, how she had Dahyun, and anyone she wants to have. No repercussions. Because she bares the last name. Something Nayeon doesn’t have.

She doesn’t know what she was trying to prove exactly. What she was trying to do. But it was fun at the moment so she lets herself flaunt as much as she wants. She forgets it the following months.

Only being reminded when a team dinner comes up and she forgot that she has to pick Dahyun up. She watches them from her car and sees them go in. Drive their way to Nayeon’s home.

This development blindsided her, in all outcomes, this one wasn’t in it.

Dahyun was a decent cheater. If Sana wasn’t following them from the start, she would never have noticed anything. Dahyun was there when she leaves, Dahyun was there when she gets back. She felt nothing. She hires someone to follow them and keep her updated. She has no right to get mad.

Until the overnight happened. Until Hawaii happened. Until Sana sees how happy Nayeon was. How Dahyun genuinely enjoys her company.

She thought Nayeon was just an outlet, like all the other girls she has cheated with. And it made her somewhat happy that Nayeon was being used but she didn’t think Dahyun would actually like her.

She lets a few months pass by until she breaks down and panics. When she’s finally dealt with the reality that she might have to let Dahyun go, she loses her mind.

Because Dahyun was hers. And she was Dahyun’s.

They were supposed to love each other forever. Sana was supposed to get better and then live happily ever after with her.

It was her. Always her until the end. She’s stupid and a cheater and a mess. She was undeserving but she can’t lose her. Not to Nayeon, not to anyone else.

So she fights the only way she knows how and confronts Nayeon the next day. The latter recedes.

* * *

_She stares at her in her gold dress matching pale skin._

_“You’re a dream” She says to Dahyun._

_“No, you are”_

_“We’re each other’s dream” Sana smiles and pulls Dahyun closer._

_Sana closes her eyes, “….until death do us part.”_

* * *

She thinks of the decisions she had made and the consequences that came with it.

The thing about choices is that there’s no way to undo them. It’s what you choose after you’ve made a bad deal that reflects your choice, if it was a complete lapse of judgement or if it was intentional. The good thing is that the cup is endless, and every choice is another way towards a new beginning.

So as she holds the velvet box in her palm, sat on their wooden floor, she truly decides to stop running away. As if the universe was on her side, she hears the door click open as the object of her affection walks in.

It was all so surreal. Like meeting each other for the first time, seeing each other as the people they are now. Dahyun has aged but her beauty remains unmatched. There are bags under her eyes, cheeks puffy and eyes red. She recognizes this look all too well, she lets it go.

It must have been cold outside.

Dahyun doesn’t turn to look at her or ask her why she’s sitting on the floor. It’s one of the routines they had gotten used to. Sana moves in and hugs her from behind. Dahyun stops moving.

“Dahyun, I’ve missed you”

“I’m not in the mood” Her heart hurts a little bit that all those years, it came down to this. Her affection treated as a way to have sex. She can’t blame her.

“No, you look like you just needed a hug”

“Are you drunk?” The pale girl turns to her then, her eyes a bit wide eyed. Placing a hand against their foreheads to measure warmth.

She holds her hands.

“Dahyun I’m so so sorry. About Sunmi” She chokes but continues, “About everyone else. About the Chairman, your parents, for giving up your dreams, for letting you down-“ She eventually bursts into tears as she cries on Dahyun’s shoulders.

“For not being me. For not being there for you. For everything, Dahyun. I just.” She tries to say it without breaking down but was impossible.

“Dahyun-ah. There’s a lot more to say but let me say this first. Half the time I spent with you was me being consumed by you, the other half was me running away. But both times I have loved you in just the same way. Never forget that”

“Sana I don’t get what’s happening—”

She kneels on one knee and opens the box with both of her hands shaking. She focuses on it until she was brave enough to meet Dahyun’s eyes.

“Kim Dahyun, the better half. Is and always will be. If you’ll still have me. Marry me”

It was everything they both wanted. This has always been the goal. A lifetime full of happy. Her and Dahyun.

Remember how Sana has always been bad at lying? Well Dahyun has the same skill, except it’s the exact opposite and she was much much better.

So when Dahyun says yes with tears pooling in her eyes. Sana can’t help but wonder.

Was Dahyun truly happy? 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I feel like this was a very important arc for me to write. There's a lot more to say but I'll keep it short, sorry it took so long. Please let me know what you think! @checkpointred1 #OHAW


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